Ah, Christmas. A time to visit friends and family, to see Santa, to shop\u2026 and if you\u2019re a mom, a time to pull your hair out from stress.<\/p>\n
The Christmas season can be hard on moms. And over the past 3 years, I have learned that it takes on a whole new level with a special needs child. I absolutely love life with Roo, but sometimes just taking him to gatherings is tough. I don\u2019t want to admit it, but \u201cWhy do we even bother to leave the house?!?\u201d has crossed my lips a few times.<\/p>\n
Um, hello, Darling, life with kids is crazy!<\/em><\/p>\n And life with a special needs child is downright indescribable. But as I have learned to navigate parties and chaos with Roo, I have realized how many of my strategies with him would have been great to use with my big kids too.<\/p>\n Here are some ways I make my season brighter as I\u2019m preparing for the mad race through Christmas parties, Santa visits, parades, and Target trips. My list focuses on the limitations of mamas in the special needs club with me, but I think they apply to all moms.<\/p>\n Roo can get overwhelmed easily in large groups, and going from party to party to party almost guarantees a meltdown. In our house we have a one-event-per-day rule\u2014we find that this is best for everyone<\/i>. And yes, I hear you: \u201cThat might work for you, but you haven\u2019t seen my December calendar!\u201d Maybe not, but I\u2019ve seen mine. I have to say no to things that I want to do, disappoint family members, sometimes even miss out on opportunities for free babysitting! It is tough, but my family is worth it.<\/p>\n None of us want our child to have a meltdown in the middle of the mall, but the bottom line is, it happens. For all of us. No one is judging you nearly as much as you are judging yourself; and your child will survive this crying fit\u2014and probably forget it much more quickly than you will. Are they sobbing for Santa? You can just walk away and try again later, or have a crying pic that you will come to adore years later. Either way, though, it is OK<\/i>.<\/p>\n Lots of kids get overwhelmed in new situations, especially at parties involving lots of people. Sometimes this can make a child act out and be a little wild, other times they might shrink back and get shy and clingy. Either way, a little peace and quiet might be just what he\/she needs. Don\u2019t be afraid to sneak away into a quiet room. I know you want to visit with your awesome cousin Jen whom you haven\u2019t seen in a year\u2026 but taking a time out with your child for 10-15 minutes might give you an extra 30-45 minutes at the party in the long run.<\/p>\n A sippy of milk and a graham cracker can go a long way to helping Roo get through a busy day of running errands. (And Starbucks baristas have even been known to give a free small cup of whipped cream to a certain cutie I know\u2026 Starbucks for Mom, Starbucks for Roo. It\u2019s a win-win!) Even at parties, don\u2019t take it for granted that your child will love the feast spread out before them. Lots of new foods can be just as overwhelming as lots of new people. I always head out with one or two foods that I know Roo will eat, like crackers and yogurt. And if you forget, ask the hostess! I know it feels like an imposition, but if she has kids, chances are she\u2019s been there too. She would love to help you and your child to have the best possible experience you can at her home.<\/p>\n Kids can be comforted greatly by something familiar when in the middle of new surroundings. Pack a favorite toy or book that can provide a bit of home for a child who feels out of his\/her element.<\/p>\n Remember that cousin you so wanted to see? Chances are she\u2019s free to come to your house for breakfast one day. I know Roo does much better on his \u201chome turf\u201d and doesn\u2019t take quite so much of my emotional energy. Or you could sneak in a girls\u2019 night after the kids are in bed\u2014even if it\u2019s sitting on your couch eating microwave popcorn. Don\u2019t feel like your social life depends on that party. It puts too much pressure on you AND your child.<\/p>\n My husband and I know that we need to take turns being on \u201cRoo duty\u201d at parties. While the big kids can typically run off and play with minimal supervision, Roo needs constant monitoring to keep out of trouble. If you\u2019re parenting solo at any given event, call a trusted family member or friend who will be at the party and ask if they would be willing to help. Even if someone would read your child a book or take them for a walk for just a few minutes, that can often be enough to let you recharge your batteries for the next round.<\/p>\n Maybe you need a code word that says, \u201cI can\u2019t take it anymore! It\u2019s your turn!\u201d (For me and my hubby, it\u2019s as simple as \u201cTag! You\u2019re it!\u201d) Maybe you need a code for \u201cWe need to get out of here before I lose it!\u201d For certain, you need to communicate clear expectations (and maybe even rewards and consequences) to any children old enough to understand them. Knowing that everyone is going into the party with the same playbook takes a lot of pressure off of Mom\u2019s shoulders.<\/p>\n It\u2019s OK to leave the party (or mall or church or whatever) early if things just aren\u2019t coming together. I recently went to a surprise 40th<\/sup> birthday party for a friend, only to leave just minutes after the guest of honor arrived. It was disappointing, but Roo was being extra-ornery and Lamb was being unkind and Monkey was crying\u2026 and I just couldn\u2019t take it. Rather than be on edge for the next two hours, it was better for us to leave. And again, this is a great opportunity to schedule one-on-one time with anyone you really want to see.<\/p>\n It is good to think through these tips ahead of time, but once you done that, relax<\/i>. If something isn\u2019t going well, you have the plan in place to deal with it\u2014but until then, enjoy the party.<\/p>\n And no matter what, Mom, remember this: One day, you\u2019ll look back on this and laugh.<\/p>\n Katy Epling is celebrating Christmas with her husband Jon and three wonderful kids in (hopefully) snowy Ohio. In addition to <\/i>Hello, Darling!<\/i><\/a> she can be found at <\/i>Diary of a Zookeeper<\/i><\/a> where she will be reviewing some of her favorite gift ideas for Roo (and the big kids too).<\/i><\/p>\nKnow your child\u2019s limitations.<\/h3>\n
Don\u2019t let their stress be your stress.<\/h3>\n
Play hide-and-don\u2019t-seek.<\/h3>\n
Don\u2019t underestimate the power of a good snack.<\/h3>\n
Travel with the comforts of home.<\/h3>\n
Schedule your own private party.<\/h3>\n
Enlist a little help.<\/h3>\n
Get everyone on the same page.<\/h3>\n
Know when to pull the plug.<\/h3>\n
Be prepared, not anxious.<\/h3>\n
\nHow do youfind ways to enjoy the holiday season with your kids?<\/h2>\n