Eyes grew huge around the dinner table as my son made his announcement.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have a Valentine \u2026 Maybe it\u2019s a girlfriend … Yeah. It\u2019s a girlfriend.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
My heart raced in a decidedly non-Hallmark direction. I felt pure panic when I heard that my second-grader might have eyes for a girl \u2014 or that a girl might like him.<\/p>\n
Has the word \u201cboyfriend\u201d or \u201cgirlfriend\u201d come up at your house yet? What was your reaction? \u201cInnocent childhood stuff,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re staying home until you\u2019re 18?\u201d<\/p>\n
Somehow I kept a straight face when I asked my sonwhat \u201cValentine\u201d and \u201cgirlfriend\u201d meant to him. He wasn\u2019t sure, except that everyone had one, and he thought this particular girl was \u201cthe most interesting choice.\u201d<\/p>\n
Unsure what felt appropriate, I had a great discussion with our school counselor about these matters. Her advice for parents\u2019 initial reactions: \u201cI\u2019m so glad you told me.\u201d \u201cHow did that make you feel?\u201d And, \u201cIt\u2019s nice to admire someone for good qualities.\u201d<\/p>\n
When discussions of the opposite sex come up with your kids, considering their maturity levels and showing respect for any child being discussed is crucial. This probably isn\u2019t the time to launch into a birds-and-bees talk. It\u2019s also not a time for teasing or making snap judgments. Your overreactions can scare your child out of confiding in you.<\/p>\n
Instead, let your child do most of the talking to find out what\u2019s truly being said. My first-grader was upset recently about hearing girls \u201cuse a bad word.\u201d Turns out, he didn\u2019t know what \u201csassy\u201d meant.<\/p>\n
What a great discussion, and a lesson in restraint for me as I considered what level of \u201csassy\u201d to address.<\/p>\n
As parents, we set up a belief system with our words, actions, media preferences and openness. A lack of thoughtful conversation about the opposite gender also can form kids\u2019 beliefs. Friends and commercials will fill in your gaps!<\/p>\n
So is it appropriate to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in elementary school? Well, obviously dating is out, and according to most elementary school codes of conduct, so is everything else that adults would associate with those words \u2014 even hand-holding. My counselor friend said that if your child talks about kissing games or physical contact, talk to the teacher immediately. Safe personal space is non-negotiable. Here are some additional tips:<\/p>\n
Think through what you want them to be saying in a couple of years (or not saying). What\u2019s cute for a preschooler to say sounds very different a few years later. If you\u2019re encouraging \u201cboyfriend talk,\u201d you\u2019re normalizing it. Same with using terms like \u201chot\u201d or \u201cchick.\u201d They stick.<\/p>\n
And tell them it\u2019s OK to like all types of people. Being dismissive of them \u201cliking\u201d someone may make your child feel dismissed. Take feelings to heart, even if you don\u2019t take them too seriously.<\/p>\n
So keeping things at a friendship level for now is preferred and less likely to result in hurt feelings or distractions to learning.<\/p>\n
Like second-hand smoke, commercials for shows we\u2019d never dream of letting them watch can float in and make impressions about what\u2019s OK to do and say.<\/p>\n
Above all keep listening, and let your family\u2019s values be what speaks loudest to your kids.<\/p>\n
Pay attention to what your elementary kids are doing and saying. Don\u2019t overreact to or over-talk every comment your child makes.<\/p>\n
Discuss what it means to be a gentleman and a lady. Talk about how destructive gossip is. \u201cShe likes so-and-so\u201d banter can turn hurtful.<\/p>\n
Monitor play to ensure language\/activities are appropriate. And identify polite and respectful words.<\/p>\n
Immersed in a world of all things boy, writer and MOPS speaker Susan Besze Wallace prays often for the girls in her sons\u2019 schools, and for her future daughters-in-law.<\/i><\/p>\n
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