{"id":15049,"date":"2016-03-20T00:01:47","date_gmt":"2016-03-20T06:01:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=1759"},"modified":"2016-03-20T00:01:47","modified_gmt":"2016-03-20T06:01:47","slug":"life-after-miscarriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/life-after-miscarriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Life After Miscarriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe heartbeat is fast \u2014 166 beats per minute,\u201d the technician told me a week ago in the blue hush of the ultrasound room.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that good?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes, that\u2019s very good \u2014 very strong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then he told me to hold my breath and I did, and then released as he played back the sound he\u2019d just recorded \u2014 the beautiful \u201cba-boom, ba-boom\u201d of life, its fluid line sketched across the screen and the baby\u2019s arms and legs kicking like tiny sticks on a peanut.<\/p>\n

Our child was two centimeters \u2014 just over an inch, at nine weeks, two days old. Due March 14, 2015.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s implanted perfectly \u2014 it\u2019s got a beautiful place in your uterus. It\u2019s very comfortable,\u201d he said, smiling at me, knowing this was my fifth pregnancy but only the third to make it this far.<\/p>\n

And finally I let myself smile back.<\/p>\n

My baby was comfortable.<\/p>\n

My body was making a home for this little one, and the insides of my soul relaxed. And for a moment it felt like the past year and a half of trying for, and then conceiving and miscarrying and then grieving and trying again \u2013 trying to conceive for nearly 12 months \u2014 it was all worth it.<\/p>\n

Because after losing a couple of babies, you learn \u2014 even as you take folic acid and prenatal pills and progesterone to protect the conception \u2014 you learn also to protect your heart.<\/p>\n

Trent was sitting with me on the bed in the dimly lit room \u2014 our baby dancing on the screen. He looked over and his fingers played with mine. And it didn\u2019t just feel like another baby \u2014 who was alive and comfortable and growing well. It felt like God saying,\u00a0\u201cSee how I keep my promises \u2014 even when they look different than you expected.\u201d<\/p>\n

The past year has been a test to our faith.<\/p>\n

We got pregnant last April, and I didn\u2019t know I was pregnant until one night I felt strongly, \u201cDon\u2019t drink anymore,\u201d because I\u2019d had a glass of wine that evening. \u201cYou\u2019re pregnant,\u201d I knew in my heart, and the next day I took the test, and I was.<\/p>\n

Trent and I were deliriously happy for two months, because a year earlier we\u2019d both had a vision of another child joining our family. Up until that point we\u2019d been happy with our two boys (and two foster boys at the time made it a full house).<\/p>\n

And then, the blood. And the cramping and the clots and the sitting very still trying not to move just in case you can somehow stop the dying. And all the time, me hearing God say that our baby would live \u2014 in that same small voice, and us, believing, until I was in the hospital room and the sac slipped into the toilet.<\/p>\n

When the nurse came out holding the sac of our child, God vanished. A flash of light, and he was gone.<\/p>\n

My faith has never felt more like an abandoned store, all boarded up, a \u201cfor rent\u201d sign in the window.<\/p>\n

That day in the ultrasound room, our peanut swishing across the screen to the thump, thump, thump of life \u2014 like horses galloping \u2014 I felt the promise of life wrapping around me.<\/p>\n

It may not make sense right now.<\/p>\n

Your faith might feel like that abandoned building.<\/p>\n

But God does not play tricks with us. He is right there with us, going through all of it at our side, because\u00a0he cares.<\/p>\n

\n

\"EmilyW\"Emily T. Wierenga is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, and the author of six books including the new memoir\u00a0Making It Home: Finding My Way to Peace, Identity and Purpose<\/a>\u00a0(Baker Books, 2015). Proceeds from Emily\u2019s books\u00a0benefit her non-profit,\u00a0The Lulu Tree<\/a>. She lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and three children. For more info, please visit\u00a0emilywierenga.com<\/a>. Find her on\u00a0Twitter<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0Facebook<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe heartbeat is fast \u2014 166 beats per minute,\u201d the technician told me a week ago in the blue hush of the ultrasound room. \u201cIs that good?\u201d I said. \u201cOh yes, that\u2019s very good \u2014 very strong.\u201d Then he told me to hold my breath and I did, and then released as he played back […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":50,"featured_media":2444,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[100],"tags":[319,270,318,56,272],"class_list":["post-15049","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","tag-greif","tag-healing","tag-miscarriage","tag-motherhood","tag-vulnerability"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15049","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/50"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15049"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15049\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15049"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15049"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15049"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}