{"id":2525,"date":"2016-03-22T00:01:11","date_gmt":"2016-03-22T06:01:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=2525"},"modified":"2016-03-22T00:01:11","modified_gmt":"2016-03-22T06:01:11","slug":"letting-go-of-my-mothering-shoulds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/letting-go-of-my-mothering-shoulds\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go of My Mothering \u201cShoulds\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My first few years of parenting were hard, really hard. If they were a journey, they were climbing a steep mountain face with a hundred pound pack on my back and a baby carrier strapped to my chest. It was part learning curve (there\u2019s the steep), part loneliness (a move while I was pregnant left me entering motherhood with zero friends nearby), but I also brought the weight of my own expectations (and there you find the heavy pack).<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know where my list of mothering \u201cshoulds\u201d came from. And the truth is I didn\u2019t even know I had many of the expectations on that list until they weren\u2019t met and the disappointment crept in. But those \u201cshoulds\u201d were a weighty load to carry through my days. All the while trying to figure out how to care for another human who split my heart open because I loved her so, and hormones that hindered my ability to cope with normal stress levels, much less postpartum ones.<\/p>\n<p>My realization that I didn\u2019t have to make this fictitious mothering job description a reality didn\u2019t come in a single moment. It took a few years of not meeting my own expectations and just surviving. Observing other moms doing things completely differently from me and it working out for them. When I finally came to terms with how much I was a <em>know it all<\/em>, I was able to drop my pack of \u201cshould\u201d and keep on walking. I made a new list of hopes that were much lighter to carry on the journey.<\/p>\n<p>Gone are the days of \u201cshoulds\u201d \u2013 at least the conscious ones \u2013 and on with the \u201chopes\u201d, they are much more forgiving.<\/p>\n<p>And so, I hope to be the mom who:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Let\u2019s the small things go. If it doesn\u2019t scar you for life, it will likely shape you. And shaping is good.<\/li>\n<li>Says an encouraging word to other moms along the way. No one ever got mad because you pointed out something they were doing well.<\/li>\n<li>Forgives quickly and easily. When I hold on to grudges too long I start to tell the world it revolves around me.<\/li>\n<li>Is as present as life allows at each turn. I need to deal with the real stressors in my life, but I can often choose how much of my attention they get.<\/li>\n<li>Celebrates the uniqueness of my children. These people aren\u2019t going to fit the mold I\u2019ve created in my head for them. If I don\u2019t appreciate who they are I will simply miss out on the miracles in my care.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"left alignleft\" title=\"\" src=\"http:\/\/www.mops.org\/images\/cms_images\/alex-2.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Alexandra Kuykendall<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As a mom to four girls, Alexandra Kuykendall\u2019s days are spent washing dishes, driving to and from different schools and trying to find a better solution to the laundry dilemma. She is the author of <em>Loving My Actual Life, An Experiment In Relishing What\u2019s Right In Front of Me<\/em> and <em>The Artist\u2019s Daughter, A Memoir<\/em>. A city girl at heart, she makes her home in the shadow of downtown Denver. You can read more of Alex\u2019s everyday thoughts and connect with her at <a href=\"http:\/\/alexandrakuykendall.com\/\">AlexandraKuykendall.com<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My first few years of parenting were hard, really hard. If they were a journey, they were climbing a steep mountain face with a hundred pound pack on my back and a baby carrier strapped to my chest. It was part learning curve (there\u2019s the steep), part loneliness (a move while I was pregnant left [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":2526,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,102],"tags":[104,332,333,68,191,272,114],"class_list":["post-2525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-relationships","tag-advice","tag-encouragement","tag-expectations","tag-freedom","tag-letting-go","tag-vulnerability","tag-wisdom"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2525"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}