{"id":2549,"date":"2016-03-25T00:01:23","date_gmt":"2016-03-25T06:01:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=2549"},"modified":"2016-03-25T00:01:23","modified_gmt":"2016-03-25T06:01:23","slug":"now-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/now-what\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Chose Porn and Other Women: Now What \u2026 ?"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I married my husband Jason, I believed that he only had eyes for me.\u00a0 Deep down, I felt chosen.\u00a0 Chosen by him to do this thing we call life.\u00a0 Together.\u00a0 Forever.<\/p>\n

My dream slowly started to crumble when I realized that Jason hadn’t chosen just<\/em> me.\u00a0 Instead, he chose me and other women<\/a> too.<\/p>\n

And I know I’m not alone when it comes to this part of my story.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In fact, chances are, this story is more common than uncommon.\u00a0 For instance, research shows 64% of Christian men admit to viewing porn at least once a month.\u00a0 Or how about this \u2013 56% of marriages end in divorce today because one party has an obsessive interest in pornographic material.<\/p>\n

Porn is the norm rather than the exception.<\/h3>\n

So what do we do once we realize that our husbands aren’t being faithful to just us?\u00a0 Let’s say we’ve had the conversation \u2013 but what is next?\u00a0 I often hear women say they know<\/em> porn, affairs or anything in-between, were part of their husband’s past.\u00a0 But they talked about it once or twice, then they moved on with life.<\/p>\n

But the ache is still there. The questions still linger.<\/h3>\n

So, what comes next? I want to share some insight with you from my experience, in hopes it will take you one step further on your journey.\u00a0 Because sister, I’ve been where you are.\u00a0 I’ve felt the ache.\u00a0 I’ve wondered what the next steps toward whole healing look like.\u00a0 So here we go:<\/p>\n

Find a safe place to talk.<\/h3>\n

This takes a lot of courage to step out, to raise the white flag and to say, “I need to talk!”<\/strong>\u00a0 Consider looking for a support group in your area or over the phone.\u00a0 Or maybe a certain friend comes to mind with whom you feel safe and secure sharing the inner-depths of your soul.\u00a0 It’s one small step.\u00a0 Rest assured talking to someone safe really can be the beginning of healing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s always on the table.<\/h3>\n

Jason and I haven’t always agreed to this.\u00a0Before he decided to live in the light and tell me the full truth, he told me that we weren’t going to discuss his indiscretions.\u00a0 He said, “What’s in the past will stay in the past.”\u00a0 Ladies, it didn’t work.\u00a0 My heart became bitter and resentful.\u00a0I recognized that for whole healing, I needed to know the truth.\u00a0And to be able to continue to process this with Jason, <\/strong>f<\/strong>or as long as it took<\/strong>.\u00a0We are 12 years into our recovery now. And guess what? It’s still on the table \u2013 we still have to dialogue through things.<\/p>\n

Find out the why.<\/h3>\n

This one will take your husband’s help as well.\u00a0 There is a reason your husband has chosen to cope with his sexuality.\u00a0 Typically, this starts in boyhood.\u00a0 But it might start in adolescence or adulthood.\u00a0 It’s through understanding why we do what we do that we have the opportunity to change our behaviors.<\/strong>\u00a0 If our husbands don’t know their \u201cwhy\u201d, how can we expect change?\u00a0 It’s also through gaining this insight that we, as wives, recognize this wasn’t about us<\/strong>.\u00a0 Becoming sexier, becoming more beautiful \u2013 this doesn’t solve the problem.<\/p>\n

You and me \u2013 we are enough.\u00a0 Just the way we are.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’d love to hear from you and dialogue about what helped and what hurt after you realized your husband had eyes for other women.\u00a0 Would you choose bravery and share with me here?<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

\"Shelley<\/p>\n

Shelley Martinkus loves to encourage women and has a special place in her heart for women with a similar story to hers. \u00a0She is a blogger, speaker and writer. \u00a0Her first book, Rescued<\/em>, was released in 2015 and is a guide to help women survive and thrive after sexual betrayal. \u00a0She is proud to call Denver home where she lives with her husband, Jason and their three young boys. \u00a0Some of the things that help Shelley survive are comfy pants, running around Wash Park and long talks with Jason after the boys are in bed. \u00a0You can connect with Shelley at rlforwomen.com<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I married my husband Jason, I believed that he only had eyes for me.\u00a0 Deep down, I felt chosen.\u00a0 Chosen by him to do this thing we call life.\u00a0 Together.\u00a0 Forever. My dream slowly started to crumble when I realized that Jason hadn’t chosen just me.\u00a0 Instead, he chose me and other women too. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":158,"featured_media":2550,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[102],"tags":[104,335,336,337,133,114],"class_list":["post-2549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-advice","tag-affairs","tag-infidelity","tag-pornography","tag-sex","tag-wisdom"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2549","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/158"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2549"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2549\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}