Whether you are \u201cMama,\u201d \u201cMommy,\u201d or \u201cMom,\u201d the job is hard. It requires time. It demands your intellectual and emotional attention. The job is continuous. There\u2019s no \u201coff the clock.\u201d What happens, then, when your body is sick and tired? What happens when you don\u2019t feel emotionally equipped to mother? How do you go on when your cup is less than full? How do you continue to be who you are when you feel like you\u2019ve lost yourself to chronic illness, pain or fatigue? Let\u2019s talk about that. There is a way through, and that need not come at the expense of your child\u2019s well-being. Let\u2019s talk about how to mother when you\u2019re sick and tired. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s hard to be \u201cMama.\u201d \u201cMama\u201d holds the future in her arms. She feeds and bathes. She washes clothes and diapers and blankets. \u201cMama\u201d is sleepless. She hums and soothes. She rocks and cuddles and reads stories. \u201cMama\u201d is the whole world. She is peace and happiness and with her, everything is right. She protects and shields. \u201cMama\u201d is a place of safety. It\u2019s hard to be \u201cMommy.\u201d \u201cMommy\u201d gives hugs and comfort. She plays games and fosters creativity. \u201cMommy\u201d is the bearer of snacks. She rocks and cuddles and reads stories. \u201cMommy\u201d plays pretend. She sings silly songs. \u201cMommy\u201d teaches. She models love and goodness. She protects and shields. \u201cMommy\u201d is a place of safety. It\u2019s hard to be \u201cMom.\u201d \u201cMom\u201d shapes character and guides moral development. She listens. She bears the emotional weight of broken friendships and hurt feelings. \u201cMom\u201d is a shuttle driver. She waits. She cheers and encourages. Her purse still carries snacks. \u201cMom\u201d is a compass. She teaches life skills. She protects and shields. \u201cMom\u201d is a place of safety. It\u2019s hard enough to be \u201cMama,\u201d \u201cMommy,\u201d or \u201cMom\u201d without chronic sickness or pain or fatigue getting in the way. But sometimes, it does. Sometimes, there are barriers to who we want to be or who we thought we\u2019d be. Those barriers don\u2019t make us less of a mother. Those barriers may change us, but we are never less. We are reformed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When my son was one and a half, I became chronically ill. Fatigue hit me like a truck. I couldn\u2019t stand up long enough to cook dinner. I couldn\u2019t walk him to the park. My picture of who I should be as \u201cMama\u201d was shattered. I barely recognized the person I\u2019d become. My sense of self was lost, covered by a sense of self-proclaimed failure. Over the next three years, my illness progressed. Many of my symptoms seemed to be a medical mystery. I was belittled and ignored by doctors. When I told one doctor that I couldn\u2019t get out of bed, he told me that I needed to exercise. I didn\u2019t know how to bridge the gap between where I was and where he told me to be. My fatigue gave way to autoimmune disease\u2026several of them. At times, my GI symptoms were so intense, I was tied to my bathroom. I didn\u2019t leave the house for weeks and weeks. What kind of mother was I when I couldn\u2019t enrich my son\u2019s life with nature, parks, museums or friends? We were trapped together in a house of sickness and despair. And then when he was three, my illness landed me in the hospital for twelve days. How do you mother from afar when you can\u2019t even take care of yourself? How do you handle the loss of the motherhood you wanted to have? Because hospitalization and time spent homebound is not the dream. No one would choose it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n