{"id":3401,"date":"2016-07-16T00:01:21","date_gmt":"2016-07-16T06:01:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=3401"},"modified":"2016-07-16T00:01:21","modified_gmt":"2016-07-16T06:01:21","slug":"in-the-light","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/in-the-light\/","title":{"rendered":"In the Light: Healing Sexual Intimacy After Porn, Sexual Addiction and Betrayal"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is part of a series of posts about journeying through a husband\u2019s\u00a0<\/em>addiction to porn<\/em><\/a>.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

I recently shared about what the sexual intimacy healing process has looked like for my husband, Jason, and I in a marriage marked by betrayal (through porn and infidelity<\/a>).<\/p>\n

It has been one of the areas of our marriage that has taken its slow and precious time to heal.\u00a0There are times when I feel we have arrived \u2013 and other times when I feel we are oh so far away.\u00a0Overall, we have gained a lot of ground.<\/p>\n

My desire is to give you a better look into what sexual intimacy<\/a> looks like 12 years after betrayal.\u00a0And it’s not just my husband’s betrayal that has made sexual intimacy complicated.\u00a0I brought in distorted views of my body which culminated in an eating disorder (anorexia) through high school and college.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, this ever-so-important part of our relationship hasn’t been easy. Early on in our recovery, the safest way for me to engage sexually was in the dark<\/a>.\u00a0But, thankfully, it has evolved over time.<\/p>\n

Here is a glimpse into what sexual intimacy looks like for me (and let me just tell you, I feel SO vulnerable sharing these tidbits).<\/p>\n

Today, I prefer for us to be intimate in the light<\/strong> \u2013 whether it’s the glow of the moon or a discrete light shining in from our bathroom.\u00a0 I prefer to see my husband\u2019s face, specifically his eyes.\u00a0And him mine.<\/p>\n

Today, I feel more confident in my body.<\/strong>\u00a0 Ladies, let’s be honest \u2013 my body hasn’t improved with time.\u00a0 I’ve had three baby boys and I have the stretch marks, looser skin and wonky breasts to prove it.<\/p>\n

This confidence hasn’t come from perfecting my body but rather learning to love and admire my body not only because of what I’ve put it through (an eating disorder) but also because of what it’s done for me (four pregnancies, chasing after littles, putting on my running shoes and hitting the pavement, dance parties in the living room \u2013 just to name a few).<\/p>\n

I admire my body more today than I ever have.\u00a0That confidence has allowed me to be ok with letting Jason see it in the light.<\/p>\n

<\/h5>\n
Join Our Community<\/a><\/div>\n
<\/h5>\n

Today, my husband wants to please me.\u00a0 <\/strong>In the height of Jason’s addiction<\/a>, it was all about him.\u00a0It felt empty and shallow.\u00a0I walked away feeling misunderstood and alone. But now, Jason asks what I’d like.\u00a0He is intentional to communicate that we never have<\/em> to be intimate.<\/p>\n

Today, our sexual intimacy isn’t perfect.\u00a0 <\/strong>More than anything, I want to drive this point home.\u00a0I guess I thought that sexual intimacy would always be fun and always be easy. I also thought there would be a finish line in sight and the day would come when we had mastered the act and it couldn’t get any better.\u00a0 I’ve since realized I was mistaken.\u00a0Sexual intimacy with my husband is life work.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Today, there are a lot of times when I’d rather enjoy a foot rub than connect sexually.\u00a0<\/strong>Girls, I’m just trying to keep it real here.\u00a0It can be hard work for me to go there emotionally and physically.\u00a0Especially after giving, giving, giving to three little boys all day long.\u00a0This definitely ebbs and flows.\u00a0Jason and I can go weeks without engaging sexually and then shazam, we’ll have four or five days of enjoying each other after our babes have gone to bed.<\/p>\n

Today, our love, desire and passion for each other is more sacred than ever before.\u00a0<\/strong>It’s not perfect.\u00a0 There are times when I’d rather not.\u00a0There are also times when I’m reminded of the past and we have to stop and have a conversation (talk about a mood killer).<\/p>\n

Yet even with all the bumps in the road, oftentimes, we come together and celebrate our heart and soul connection.\u00a0We connect emotionally and then celebrate sexually.<\/p>\n

Fully known and in the light.<\/p>\n

Please know I’d love to hear from you.\u00a0 If you have any questions or comments, I can be reached at shelley@rlforwomen.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Read more about Jason\u2019s porn addiction and Shelley\u2019s battle with anorexia in this<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>honest interview<\/em><\/a>. You can also read more from Shelley about how she faced the realization of her<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>husband\u2019s porn use and infidelity<\/em><\/a>, then how she bravely<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>confronted the issue<\/em><\/a>\u00a0<\/em>despite fear and uncertainty.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0For more resources check out:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Redemptive Living for Women<\/a>: This is my website where you\u2019ll find a helpful workbook, weekly blog posts and support.<\/p>\n

Redemptive Living:<\/a>\u00a0My husband Jason\u2019s website where you can find the book he wrote about his journey, free resources for men and more.<\/p>\n

Kitchen Convos<\/a>: This is a series of conversations that my husband, Jason, and I put together to help couples find redemption after betrayal. There is a fee associated with this, but if you choose to participate, we will donate 15% of the proceeds back to MOPS International.<\/p>\n

Fight the New Drug:<\/a>\u00a0An edgy non-profit that advocates for the fight against porn.<\/p>\n

This\u00a0Christianity Today article<\/a>\u00a0shares eye-opening recent stats on porn use in Christian circles.<\/p>\n

\n

\"Shelley<\/p>\n

Shelley Martinkus loves to encourage women and has a special place in her heart for women with a similar story to hers. \u00a0She is a blogger, speaker and writer. \u00a0Her first book, Rescued<\/em>, was released in 2015 and is a guide to help women survive and thrive after sexual betrayal. \u00a0She is proud to call Denver home where she lives with her husband, Jason and their three young boys. \u00a0Some of the things that help Shelley survive are comfy pants, running around Wash Park and long talks with Jason after the boys are in bed. \u00a0You can connect with Shelley at rlforwomen.com<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is part of a series of posts about journeying through a husband\u2019s\u00a0addiction to porn.\u00a0 I recently shared about what the sexual intimacy healing process has looked like for my husband, Jason, and I in a marriage marked by betrayal (through porn and infidelity). It has been one of the areas of our marriage that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":158,"featured_media":3402,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[102,117],"tags":[104,438,66,270,137,389,337,133,441,112],"class_list":["post-3401","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-wellness","tag-advice","tag-anorexia","tag-eating-disorder","tag-healing","tag-marriage","tag-porn","tag-pornography","tag-sex","tag-sexual-intimacy","tag-tips"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3401","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/158"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3401"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3401\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3401"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3401"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}