For a population famous for being committed monogamists, Christian mommies sure have a lot of people in their bedrooms with them.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not talking about other partners here, but the looming judgments of important figures like mom, dad, grandma or pastor and what they would have to say about the activities done or not done in thy boudoir.<\/p>\n
Whether they have ever discussed it or not, our elders carried and conveyed their view of sex throughout all our developmental years<\/strong>. I call the unexamined judgments in our lives \u201cgrandma\u2019s wallpaper.\u201d You know how something can just \u201cbe there\u201d for 20 years, totally unnoticed, then one day you lean in close \u2026 and you see that it\u2019s absolutely disgusting?<\/p>\n As we all know, parents are only the beginning \u2026 judgments from our culture, peers, experiences, traumas and stereotypes have bombarded us and burrowed themselves so deeply into our psyches that it feels impossible to distinguish our own values from those we\u2019ve spent a lifetime marinating in.<\/p>\n If we look back, we can draw some conclusions about what has been downloaded to us<\/strong> \u2013 the positive, the negative, the contradictory, confusing and mysterious \u2026 <\/em><\/p>\n Don\u2019t have sex. Don\u2019t talk about sex. Sex is a gift. Sex is dirty. Good girls don\u2019t like sex. Good wives have lots of sex. Good girls don\u2019t do that! God is punishing you for what you did before marriage. Don\u2019t talk about it outside of the bedroom. It\u2019s weird to speak up about your preferences. I\u2019m not (good) \u201cenough. Feel guilty about saying no to sex in marriage. Feel vaguely guilty period. Trying new things is awkward. Navigating your sexual relationship is stressful. Sex is about performance. Don\u2019t say the word \u201corgasm.\u201d Let the man initiate and lead. Be perfect. Be sexy.<\/em> Be free and have fun!<\/p>\n Clearly my list of all the possible beliefs one could have about sex is far too short. But use it to jumpstart your awareness. Identify the ones you carry around inside your head that cast a long, judgmental shadow over your marriage bed. Think of who may have conveyed them and how. Notice when they pop up. How would you be different if you disobeyed the negative judgments? Talk with your husband and safe girlfriends about your judgments, this sheds a dissolving light on lies that have no business in your bedroom.<\/p>\n Do you believe that sex is about joy? I do. Choose to believe that sexual enjoyment really is for you<\/em>. You get<\/em> to have sex. You, just as you are. You GET to figure it out, discuss it, be curious about it, have fun and know your limits. You get to be awkward or relaxed, shy or bold, unpolished, imperfect \u2013 nobody wants you to be a \u201cprofessional\u201d \u2026 right? Your presence is perfect \u2013 consider that. Show up, as you. Face your negative self-talk and guilty memories in the light so you can dismiss them in the dark. They ARE NOT helpful to the intimate moment at hand, they only lead you to despair and self-hatred \u2013 which are generally not very \u201csexy\u201d <\/em>feelings.<\/p>\n Judgments crush creativity and curiosity.<\/strong> If we have been smooshed under judgment then we really have not been able to be our real selves. Freedom will beckon your creativity back and invite you to continue the exploration of your true presence and preferences. Grace for yourself in the area of your sexuality will bear the beautiful fruit of vibrancy and connection and hopefully even foster a legacy of joy.<\/p>\n Kelley Gray has been a private practice psychotherapist in the Denver area for 14 years. She is passionate about promoting growth, healing and making messes with her daughters.<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For a population famous for being committed monogamists, Christian mommies sure have a lot of people in their bedrooms with them. I\u2019m not talking about other partners here, but the looming judgments of important figures like mom, dad, grandma or pastor and what they would have to say about the activities done or not done […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":159,"featured_media":3571,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[102,117],"tags":[138,137,133],"class_list":["post-3570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-wellness","tag-intimacy","tag-marriage","tag-sex"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3570","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/159"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3570"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3570\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3570"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3570"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3570"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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