I vividly remember the day I sat with my toddler in a doctor\u2019s office and committed the act I vowed that I as a counselor who knows better would never do.\u00a0 I was trying to have a conversation with my doctor while my very verbal toddler daughter was also trying to get her mother\u2019s attention so I handed her my phone and opened an app much to her delight and finished the conversation.\u00a0 It\u2019s tempting to use a phone or tablet to pacify a child in many different settings.\u00a0 Media and our children are an inevitable combination.\u00a0 Since then, instead of trying to avoid this pairing, I\u2019ve attempted to use my training to empower our family to wisely live \u201cin the world\u201d of technology while still \u201cnot being of it.\u201d<\/p>\n
From the time you first allow your child access to a device whether they are 18 months or 8 years old, establish that you will be the authority of their electronic world. \u201cThis is the phone or tablet I\u2019ll allow you to use \u2026\u201d may be a good starting point. Age-appropriate guidelines for time usage on devices should be set and clearly communicated.\u00a0 The proper response for requests to \u201chand me the phone\u201d often need rehearsing. \u201cYes, mommy\u201d is a good place to start. Clear, age-appropriate consequences for choosing not to adhere or cooperate should be created, administered and adapted throughout the process. Screen time discussions help begin conversations regarding trust and freedom that will extend to personal cell phones and social media decisions as children age. Family media agreements<\/a> are great for children who can read.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t forget to plan for media-free zones and time periods for all family members to maintain balance. In our counseling center, we are often asked about cyber addiction and a good measure is making sure your family has balanced free time involving social interaction, imaginative play, physical activity, spiritual devotion and the ability to self-entertain for age-appropriate periods of time.<\/p>\n As the initiator of a large school district cybersafety program, I have witnessed the results of the unseen doorway into our homes and a child\u2019s heart. Personal supervision is the best protection option. Technology use should be occurring within your visual and auditory range, and even older children should have intermittent visits to check what media they are consuming.\u00a0 Remember this is part of your child\u2019s world, and parents should be connected to them even if when the conversation is about the wheels on the bus or how to build a home in another realm. You can also virtually monitor their devices as they age by using programs such as TeenSafe<\/a>. Most devices need a password for downloads and certain changes. You are the only person who should have this password so anything added to the device or changed in settings requires your hands on attention. When busy, you may be tempted to share with them and then change it later. Resist the demanding voice as you are teaching patience in the process.<\/p>\n Devices that children have access to should have the latest and best security to block unwanted access to your child\u2019s eyes and interaction. As your child becomes more tech savvy, you will want to create a plan with them for when \u2013 not if \u2013 something inappropriate pops up. Giving them permission and even encouragement to approach you when a search leads to an unseemly link, prevents them from experiencing guilt and fear of your punishment, and provides the opportunity for important discussions about processing what they were exposed to and how to strategically prevent future occurrences.<\/p>\n Technology is ever changing and so are our children\u2019s needs and skill levels in using devices. Utilizing separate logins, access to only certain sites, and the right privacy and security settings can prevent curious kids from seeing images and content that will steal their innocence. Be committed to a regular maintenance of your child\u2019s access and educating yourself on current trends. Our family uses regular meetings to discuss our media use and revamp privileges when needed. This forum also provides a great opportunity for adults to model responsible behavior and share their own personal struggles appropriately. (Here is some helpful information regarding family meetings<\/a>.)<\/p>\n All of us are created with different gifts, and a \u201ctech talk\u201d may sound like a foreign language to you. If so, make friends with a colleague, the computer geek next door or that couple who is always up to date in your community. Ask for help and resources. \u201cShow me how\u201d is something I\u2019ve said many times as my oldest is starting to branch out and ask me for downloads. Websites and blogs can also help equip you as you research the latest greatest educational apps and age-appropriate ratings: netsmartz.org\/Parents<\/a>, commonsensemedia.org<\/a>, and klgreer.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n Now, with a preschooler and elementary-age child, I no longer experience guilt or embarrassment in public when our children are consuming media. Our family has chosen, by creating a structured environment for use, to no longer fear media but instead use it for redemptive purposes of education, personal and spiritual growth, social connection and entertainment.<\/p>\n Michelle Nietert, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified School Counselor, and the clinical director of Community Counseling Associates with multiple locations in North Texas.\u00a0 Resources on Michelle\u2019s previous church and community presentations regarding parenting, women and children can be found at counselorthoughts.com<\/a>.\u00a0 She can regularly be observed using technology to balance the juggling act of parenting and ministering in and out of the counseling office.<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m including spiritual apps because the links above will take parents to recommended apps for their age ranges.\u00a0 I also think they will appeal to your audience.\u00a0 I am happy to include educational apps if you prefer like:<\/p>\n http:\/\/www.duckduckmoose.com<\/a><\/p>\n http:\/\/www.24x7digital.com\/apps\/TeachMe_Apps.html<\/a><\/p>\n Apps for Children and Families that Encourage Spiritual Development<\/strong><\/p>\n https:\/\/www.bible.com\/kids<\/a><\/p>\n http:\/\/www.bible.com\/app<\/a> (The app has a plan section with devotions for children and families.)<\/p>\n http:\/\/us-en.superbook.cbn.com\/app<\/a><\/p>\n http:\/\/www.jesuscallingkidsapp.com\/<\/a> (The book is quickly accessible for bedtime devotions)<\/p>\n https:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/app\/the-word-search\/id574892302?mt=8<\/a> (itunes)<\/p>\nUse an excellent firewall<\/h3>\n
Regular updates are unavoidable<\/h3>\n
Use technical support<\/h3>\n
\n