It doesn\u2019t mean anything. <\/em><\/p>\n Turning (insert age) didn\u2019t bother me at all.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n All well-intended statements, meant to reassure my friend that life will carry on as normal and her value is not based on her age.<\/p>\n I can agree with the underlying sentiment. Our age certainly doesn\u2019t determine our value. And our life as mothers will likely not shift dramatically because of a change on the calendar. (Unless of course you have a trust fund waiting to be released on a certain milestone birthday, and if that\u2019s the case, I\u2019m guessing you are anticipating rather than dreading the day.) For most of us, our daily routine looks much the same from pre-birthday to post.<\/p>\n When I heard the birthday girl being talked out of her dread, I pulled her aside with an alternative message, \u201cIt was hard for me too.\u201d Because everyone needs to hear their feelings are \u2018normal\u2019 and they are not alone. And I think dreading a birthday, or at least living in the shock that the number on the cake belongs to you, offers some groundwork for rollercoaster-like emotions.<\/p>\n Why?<\/p>\n Because birthdays are markers in our lives. The transition from one decade of life to another is marked not by an accomplishment or a decision, but by our age.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Something we can\u2019t control. Time keeps pressing forward whether we are ready for it or not. And there are lots of potential feelings mixed in with that.<\/p>\n So if you are approaching a difficult birthday \u2013 one that ends in a zero or any other digit \u2013 allow me to pull you aside and whisper the same, \u201cIt was hard for me too.\u201d<\/p>\n Perhaps your feelings stem from disappointment on where you are in life. You thought the nuts and bolts of your days would be different. You\u2019d be more satisfied with your career or parenting. You\u2019d have lost the baby weight or kicked the drinking issues. You\u2019d be married or your marriage would be more honest. Maybe in our youth-obsessed culture you are worried you won\u2019t be relevant or beautiful. Or maybe, like me, you aren\u2019t really sure why you are feeling a little down but you are.<\/p>\n It is OK to feel the feels.<\/strong><\/p>\n And here is the rest of what I offer my aging mommy friends: \u201cWhen I\u2019m down I make a list of what I\u2019m grateful for. Of what I have and who I love. When I focus on the gifts in my life, I\u2019m less likely to fixate on the changes I can\u2019t control.\u201d<\/p>\n May you celebrate the gift that is today. You are not alone. (And happy birthday!)<\/p>\n Alexandra Kuykendall<\/strong> Some friends a few years my junior recently hit milestone birthdays. You know the ones. They end in a zero. And with each friend\u2019s approaching day, I sat through the same group discussion. It went something like this: as the birthday girl lamented, other people jumped in and assured her that the birthday was no […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":3982,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,117],"tags":[582,30,583,584,585,586,294,198,137,587,101,352],"class_list":["post-3981","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-wellness","tag-age","tag-beauty","tag-birthday","tag-changes","tag-control","tag-disappointment","tag-emotions","tag-life","tag-marriage","tag-mothers","tag-parenting","tag-rest"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3981","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3981"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3981\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3981"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3981"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3981"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.mops.org\/images\/cms_images\/alex-2.jpg\" "\\"\\"")
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\nAs a mom to four girls, Alexandra Kuykendall\u2019s days are spent washing dishes, driving to and from different schools and trying to find a better solution to the laundry dilemma. She is the author of\u00a0Loving My Actual Life, An Experiment In Relishing What\u2019s Right In Front of Me\u00a0<\/i>and\u00a0The Artist\u2019s Daughter, A Memoir<\/em><\/a>.\u00a0A city girl at\u00a0heart, she makes her home in the shadow of downtown Denver. You can read more of\u00a0Alex\u2019s everyday thoughts and connect with her at\u00a0AlexandraKuykendall.com<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"