{"id":4086,"date":"2016-10-04T00:01:49","date_gmt":"2016-10-04T06:01:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=4086"},"modified":"2016-10-04T00:01:49","modified_gmt":"2016-10-04T06:01:49","slug":"any-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/any-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Any Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou have almost three dollars!\u201d I tell her. We are sprawled on her bedroom floor amidst blocks and books, stuffed animals and blankets. Loose change is stacked into tidy piles at our feet \u2013 quarters, nickels, dimes, pennies \u2013 mountainous treasures to my 4-year-old daughter, Bee.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am ready to spend it, Mom,\u201d she says in her proudest voice. \u201cI know just what I want to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to encourage her to save it, to portion it, to spend a small bit of it in the wisest way she can muster. Part of me knows this is a teachable moment for her.<\/p>\n

But the other part of me knows this is a teachable moment for me.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

We are at Target. She has chosen a sheet of alphabet stickers to pass out to random shoppers, and after we pay for them, after we exchange her treasured coins for an unknown adventure \u2013 she positions herself near the wide exit.<\/p>\n

I crouch down in front of her, eyes to eyes. I give a few tips for approaching strangers, ask that she offer the stickers to parents before children, explain that some might not want a sticker, explain that a few might be busy, hurried, their focus elsewhere.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait a minute, who wouldn\u2019t want a sticker?\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

From an early age, we are taught to be kind, yet sensible. Help others, but be smart. Don\u2019t be a doormat. Never allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Careful now, if you go out on a limb, you\u2019ll fall right out of the tree.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

I sit nearby as Bee hands out alphabet letters \u2013 \u201cA is for apple, B is for baby\u201d \u2013 to unsuspecting Target patrons. Some smile and decline, a few children accept with delight. Many are confused, still more pass by on their phones, never noticing the 4-year-old in braids offering stickers to all.<\/p>\n

One man mutters something under his breath, his shiny shoes clacking quickly on the cold tile beneath.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

We are taught that kindness requires a certain reaction \u2013 that our efforts are to be rewarded. Cause and effect. If this, then that. We are taught that kindness is a game with an agreed-upon set of rules \u2013 a grateful reaction deserves additional kindness; anything less is an unworthy recipient of our generosity.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

I watch Bee approach a woman with my grandmother\u2019s haircut. \u201cHere\u2019s a sticker for you!\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh honey, no thank you,\u201d says the woman, digging keys out of her purse. \u201cYou should keep those! You need them more than I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

We are taught that offering kindness is a delicate waltz. Careful now, don\u2019t offend. Don\u2019t hurt their pride. Save face. Be nonchalant. Act cool.<\/p>\n

We are taught that receiving kindness must be rationed on the deserving parties. We are taught that it must be strategic, that it must be thought out, that it must be controlled.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Soon, Bee\u2019s sticker supply begins to dwindle. \u201cDo you want to save the rest to enjoy later?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m enjoying them now.\u201d<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

We are taught that kindness is braking for bunnies, smiling at the barista, offering a bus seat to the elderly. Random acts of kindness, we say. Small, unassuming, protected. Sensible.<\/p>\n

We are taught wrong.<\/p>\n

There is nothing sensible about kindness.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Kindness is not offering stickers.<\/p>\n

Kindness is offering ourselves.<\/p>\n

We have forgotten this, but our children know. A mother says, \u201cI see you might like a sticker.\u201d<\/p>\n

A child says, \u201cI see you.\u201d<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the thing about kindness; it requires deep vulnerability. It is a gift of connection, a generous offering of ourselves. It cannot be done sensibly, strategically. It cannot be rationed.<\/p>\n

There is no such thing as a random act of kindness.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Bee has given out her last sticker \u2013 \u201cZ is for zebra\u201d \u2013 and she rushes over to me, rosy cheeks and untied shoelaces, gasping for breath through her excitement.<\/p>\n

\u201cMom!\u201d she cheers. \u201cCan we do it again?\u201d<\/p>\n

We can.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

We can do it again. We can do it daily, in small measures and large, this great task of offering ourselves. We can give stickers and service, we can give greeting cards and grace.<\/p>\n

We can give a little, or we can give a lot. We can be mild with our kindness \u2013 sensible now, careful please <\/em>\u2013 in the name of protection, in the name of smarts. Or we can offer the whole lot of ourselves, the whole lot of our stickers \u2013 again and again and again \u2013 in the name of love.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am ready to spend it, Mom,\u201d Bee had said. \u201cI know just what I want to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

As we pack up to leave Target, as we head home to make dinner, a young mother locks eyes with me in the parking lot.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat really made my kid\u2019s day,\u201d she says to Bee. \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAny time,\u201d shouts Bee, skipping to the car as the sun slants. \u201cAny time.\u201d<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

She meant it.<\/p>\n

\n

Erin Loechner\u2019s new book, <\/em>Chasing Slow: Courage to Journey Off the Beaten Path comes out January 10th! Pre-order it online now at Amazon or at Barnes & Noble. Until then, she can be found (almost) daily wrestling through motherhood, faith and kindness at <\/em>designformankind.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

\"hd_cover_fall_2016_small\"<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This article originally appeared in the Fall 2016 issue of\u00a0Hello, Dearest<\/em>. If you didn\u2019t get a copy and would like your own, you can\u00a0subscribe<\/a>\u00a0to get\u00a0Hello, Dearest<\/em>\u00a0in your mailbox every season. If you subscribe, forward your receipt to\u00a0magazines@mops.org<\/a>\u00a0and we\u2019ll shoot a copy of the current issue in the mail to you for free \u2026 just because we like you.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou have almost three dollars!\u201d I tell her. We are sprawled on her bedroom floor amidst blocks and books, stuffed animals and blankets. Loose change is stacked into tidy piles at our feet \u2013 quarters, nickels, dimes, pennies \u2013 mountainous treasures to my 4-year-old daughter, Bee. \u201cI am ready to spend it, Mom,\u201d she says […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":203,"featured_media":4087,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[102],"tags":[704,108,705,706,707,290,373,708,55,709,710,711,159,272],"class_list":["post-4086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-acceptance","tag-adventure","tag-careful","tag-encourage","tag-exchange","tag-generosity","tag-grace","tag-kind","tag-mom","tag-offering","tag-proud","tag-random","tag-teach","tag-vulnerability"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/203"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4086"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4086\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}