I thought perfection in all things was the bridge to peace, happiness, wholeness and completeness.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n I was terribly wrong.<\/p>\n My husband did the really hard work of recovery first. I stood by angry – watching, waiting, grieving – wondering how this had happened to my perfect life.\u00a0 How could he possibly betray me with images he saw on the computer and women he met from the internet? <\/em>I thought I was perfect.\u00a0Why wouldn’t he want just me?<\/em><\/p>\n As we limped along through those first few years of recovery, I returned to the familiar control I’d once had over food.\u00a0The one thing I could control. The one thing that I thought would allow me to feel accepted, chosen, whole. When that didn’t quite work, I tried to use my career for acceptance.\u00a0 Surely that would allow me to live a whole and complete life.<\/p>\n I was wrong once again.<\/p>\n It wasn’t until six years into our recovery, after my husband had done a lot of work and I’d done a little, that I saw what wholeness looked like.<\/p>\n I saw it in my husband.<\/p>\n He was vulnerable and willingly risked being fully known by others. He had this confidence, peace and joy that radiated from within.<\/p>\n I saw this and I wanted it. I wanted to risk; to be fully known.\u00a0But I didn’t even know how or where to begin.<\/p>\n It started small for me, with a group of women that were willing to talk about the messiest pieces of their life.\u00a0It was in that safe group where I tested being vulnerable and connecting fully with other women. I gained the confidence to try it in my marriage with the man that hurt me more than any other person. Years later, some of us still meet every other week to share our \u201cugly\u201d with each other.<\/p>\n It was through sharing my ugly and my broken self \u2013 my biggest fears, the things I was ashamed of, the mistakes I’d made \u2013 I actually started to feel whole.\u00a0To feel complete.<\/p>\n I thought wholeness and completeness came from living a perfect life.\u00a0I was so wrong.<\/p>\n Today I know better. I believe wholeness and completeness come from embracing my brokenness.<\/strong>\u00a0It comes from willingness to drag my ugly truth into the light for others to see.\u00a0It comes from accepting others exactly where they are and not putting unrealistic expectations on them.\u00a0It also comes with accepting myself right where I\u2019m at.\u00a0(And really, it\u2019s more than just acceptance, it\u2019s embracing and loving even those freckles on my skin!) It also comes from allowing God to love me just as I am.<\/p>\n Embracing my brokenness.\u00a0Working toward fully connecting with God, myself and others.\u00a0That’s living a whole and complete life.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Shelley Martinkus loves to encourage women and has a special place in her heart for women with a similar story to hers. \u00a0She is a blogger, speaker and writer. \u00a0Her first book, Rescued<\/em>, was released in 2015 and is a guide to help women survive and thrive after sexual betrayal. \u00a0She is proud to call Denver home where she lives with her husband, Jason and their three young boys. \u00a0Some of the things that help Shelley survive are comfy pants, running around Wash Park and long talks with Jason after the boys are in bed. \u00a0You can connect with Shelley at rlforwomen.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n Read more about Jason\u2019s porn addiction and Shelley\u2019s battle with anorexia in this<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>honest interview<\/em><\/a>. You can also read more from Shelley about how she faced the realization of her<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>husband\u2019s porn use and infidelity<\/em><\/a>, then how she bravely<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>confronted the issue<\/em><\/a>\u00a0<\/em>despite fear and uncertainty.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0For more resources check out:<\/strong><\/p>\n Redemptive Living for Women<\/a>: This is my website where you\u2019ll find a helpful workbook, weekly blog posts and support.<\/p>\n Redemptive Living:<\/a>\u00a0My husband Jason\u2019s website where you can find the book he wrote about his journey, free resources for men and more.<\/p>\n Kitchen Convos<\/a>: This is a series of conversations that my husband, Jason, and I put together to help couples find redemption after betrayal. There is a fee associated with this, but if you choose to participate, we will donate 15% of the proceeds back to MOPS International.<\/p>\n Fight the New Drug:<\/a>\u00a0An edgy non-profit that advocates for the fight against porn.<\/p>\n
\n![\"Shelley](\"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/ShelleyMartinkus_small.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\n