When I quit my teaching job right before having our first daughter, my principal told me he fully supported my choice to stay home. But he didn\u2019t think it would last long. I thought that was an interesting thing to say. I was committed to raising our kids and being completely content focusing on them full time, at least through the beginning of elementary school.<\/p>\n
Just five weeks into being a new mom, a position at a new museum opened up and I decided to apply. This seemed like such an incredible opportunity: A job that combined my undergraduate degree in art history \u2013 a notoriously difficult field to find work in, my master\u2019s degree in teaching, a brand new program committed to best practices and the flexibility of part time.<\/p>\n
Partway through the interview, all of my postpartum feelings surfaced and I found myself faltering, wondering why on earth I had squeezed into a dress that had fit just last year, left my baby with my dad and driven across town for a job I didn\u2019t want. I think my future boss felt the emotional shift, too. As kindly and HR-correctly as she could, she wondered if this was a good fit for me at this time? It seemed as though I needed to focus on being a mom for now.<\/p>\n
I went home and focused on those whirlwind first six months with Bea. We settled into a good routine. I started going to MOPS, we made friends and even ventured on a play date or two. In January, I got an email from the museum: Would I be interested in applying for the role of Gallery Teacher? They would love it if I\u2019d consider putting in my application.<\/p>\n
This time, during the interview, I felt confident and ready for a new adventure.<\/p>\n
My old principal was right \u2013 I didn\u2019t stay home long, not really. Work at the museum definitely had its challenges but overall, the hours weren\u2019t too demanding and the work was exactly what I loved: Teaching in front of priceless paintings, guiding kids in new ways of looking and thinking, and then going home without the grading and stresses of classroom teaching.<\/p>\n
When I got pregnant with our second daughter, we were in a really good rhythm. On paper, life looked pretty amazing. I was balancing it all! I was play dating and teaching and figuring out self-care!<\/p>\n
Until \u2026 I started feeling like I wasn\u2019t doing a good job at anything<\/em>. I was resenting my time commitment at the museum; I was too tired to be as engaging of a mom as the girls needed.<\/p>\n My ever-supportive husband gave the most unhelpful advice: Do what makes you happiest; what makes you the best mom. I\u2019m behind you!<\/em> What I really wanted was for him to just make a tough decision for me. Ultimately, I knew what I needed to do.<\/p>\n I talked with my boss and told her I loved the job and I loved working for her, but it just wasn\u2019t a good fit anymore. After that last conversation, I felt a sense of relief. With Bea starting kindergarten next year, we\u2019ll have a lot of changes as a family. It\u2019ll be the only year Elle and I have, just the two of us, before she starts preschool. I want to be mindful and intentional about this coming year.<\/p>\n My last day was bittersweet as I said goodbye to colleagues\u00a0I had worked with for over three years. My boss\u00a0told me that I had a job there anytime. I left knowing I had given my best and yet, there was a sense of peace and closure.<\/p>\n I recently wrote my purpose statement with a life coach: \u201cI claim creativity and curate safe spaces for discovery.\u201d After we crafted this statement, I was talking with her about my decision to quit my job. She laughed and said, \u201cIt sounds like you\u2019re already creating safe spaces for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n I guess that\u2019s my takeaway so far on this journey of motherhood. I am creating a safe space. Sometimes this is in the form of working in a field that invigorates me and excites my passions. Sometimes it means letting our playroom get messy and seeing this physical space as a place for the girls to create. Sometimes it means carving out time to write and pursue other unpaid passions.<\/p>\n What I do know is that I\u2019m learning to hold these moments as sacred. I don\u2019t take lightly that I had the opportunity to work at a world-renowned institution \u2013 a job many would dream of. I equally don\u2019t take lightly the privilege and opportunity to stay at home during these precious, formative years.<\/p>\n One concern I had when I decided to quit was what I would say at a social gathering. Stay-at-home mom doesn\u2019t keep the conversation moving nearly as well as gallery teacher. I worried about this new loss of identity. I was talking with an older friend the other day about these feelings and she reminded me that my identity, no matter what I\u2019m doing, is in Christ.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s so true. Regardless of working or staying home or some hybrid of the two, I\u2019m remembering to place my identity in him, above all.<\/p>\n
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