There\u2019s some brilliant work and research in this area which identifies three major false selves.
\n1. Safety\/Security \u2013 Get enough money, job security, own a home, have cars, possessions, stockpile money and food, protect the kids, provide for their futures.
\n2. Respect\/Esteem\/Affection \u2013 Love me! Think I\u2019m perfectly wonderful, always kind, intelligent, competent, successful, loving and godly!
\n3. Control\/Power \u2013 If I can control every detail of my environment, as long as I\u2019m in charge and everyone does what I say, we\u2019ll all be OK.<\/p>\n
False selves really are helpful in many situations when we need to take charge, win support or keep ourselves safe, but their helpfulness runs out when right action requires (or failure forces) us to forego one of those faux values. Awareness of your false self sets the stage for us to challenge it and recover more of our true selves.<\/p>\n
Challenging: Buck the old system.<\/strong><\/p>\n Our false self is tenacious and challenging her can get pretty uncomfortable. The false self can\u2019t be completely eradicated nor should it be. The bulk of the work is in identifying her in action, surrendering the behavior to God and discussing it with others. Common behaviors like competitiveness, manipulation, flattery, control-freaking and people- pleasing are a great place to start your awareness challenge. This self-awareness work helps loosen the false self\u2019s grip and allows the true self to emerge more and more.<\/p>\n Daily life will generate countless small opportunities to exercise courage in challenging our false selves. I wholeheartedly believe that if we were all going about the business of growth, that we would become radically courageous, powerful and peaceful women. Your true self is God manifesting himself through your unique life, body, soul and personality.<\/p>\n Being: Enjoying life.<\/strong><\/p>\n I wish this step didn\u2019t seem so simple. If it felt complex, you may be more likely to buy in. However, the truth of the matter is \u2026 your true identity exists We get it right with babies. We universally agree that a baby has inherent worth exactly as she is, she doesn\u2019t have to do anything to earn it. We admire the freedom of children to just be, to simply live and enjoy the world. This freedom fades as we age and master the ability to conform and please. I believe this is the point of Jesus\u2019 famous words: unless you become like a little child \u2026 you won\u2019t know the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3) We are lovable not because of what we do, but because we simply are.<\/p>\n What you are supposed to do with yourself is an exciting question, curious and endlessly fascinating. It\u2019s only scary if you think your false self is all you are. A person who practices grounding and regrounding herself in the truth of who she is will experience her life \u2013 changes, losses, endeavors, goals and hopes \u2013 with far more richness, joy and freedom. I want to be her.<\/p>\n This article currently appears in the\u00a0summer\u00a02017 issue of\u00a0The MOPS Magazine<\/em>. If you didn\u2019t get a copy and would like your own, you can\u00a0subscribe<\/em><\/a>\u00a0<\/em>to get\u00a0The MOPS Magazine\u00a0<\/em>in your mailbox every season. If you subscribe, forward your receipt to\u00a0magazines@mops.org<\/a><\/em>\u00a0and we\u2019ll shoot a copy of the current issue in the mail to you for free \u2026 just because we like you.\u00a0 Secure attachment is the holy grail of child development and most moms are preprogrammed to pour themselves out so their kids can attain it. Little ones drink us in deeply, and then when ready, they concentrate their energies beyond our homes to the exciting outside world. Our littles are 110 percent worth our depletion, it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":159,"featured_media":5654,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[100,102,117],"tags":[212,827,54,55,49,56,164,405,463],"class_list":["post-5609","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","category-relationships","category-wellness","tag-courage","tag-growth","tag-mama","tag-mom","tag-mother","tag-motherhood","tag-self","tag-self-love","tag-truth"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5609","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/159"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5609"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5609\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5609"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5609"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5609"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\noutside of all actions. Therefore, you must practice being present, showing up and just being. Presence is the antithesis of compulsively filling every moment with productivity and chatter \u2013 the false self can be quite chatty. Your essence, or your soul, is quieter, though not shy. She feels zero compulsion, competition, jealousy, offense or ego. She\u2019s humble, joyful and squarely in reality. Operating from my true self is like staying on a surfboard, the more you practice, the longer you can stay on, and it feels amazing. Your true self is the you God dreamed up and is in love with. Children live from their true selves more than us of course. Don\u2019t they light up when we match their ability to be present and don\u2019t hurry and stress?<\/p>\n
\n![\"meetuskellygray\"](\"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/MeetUsKellyGray.jpg\")
<\/a>Kelley Gray has been a private practice psychotherapist in the Denver area for 15 years. She is married to Brian Gray and is passionate about
\npromoting growth, healing and making messes with her daughters.<\/p>\n
\n<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"