{"id":5627,"date":"2017-08-23T00:02:08","date_gmt":"2017-08-23T06:02:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=5627"},"modified":"2017-08-23T00:02:08","modified_gmt":"2017-08-23T06:02:08","slug":"lets-hear-it-for-the-boys","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/lets-hear-it-for-the-boys\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Hear it for the Boys"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week, my son had a friend over and I asked them to light a fire in the fireplace because it was a cold evening. My son\u2019s friend\u2019s face turned bright red as he sheepishly told me that his mom didn\u2019t let him light matches because she didn\u2019t trust him. In fact, in his 13 years of life, he had never been allowed to light a match. He\u2019d also never been allowed to cut with a sharp knife or to climb a tree. I mitigated his shame and told him, \u201cNo problem\u201d and sent the boys off on a different task, but I have to tell you, I was sad for him. As much as I champion all moms and their unique parenting styles, there is something that triggers me when boys are not allowed to step into their manhood by well-meaning moms who want to keep them safe. The truth is \u2014 we are raising the boys who will lead nations and fight battles and take girls on dates. We need them to feel the full weight and responsibility of what it means to be a man, and that starts when they are young and longing to hear that their mom trusts and believes in them.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a huge fan of boys. I have a brother, grandfather and husband who I respect and admire greatly, along with a son I adore. By affirming boyhood, I am in no way belittling girlhood \u2014 both are essential. However, it seems to me that as moms raising boys, occasionally we tend to forget that they have God-given needs that are so different from ours that they feel incongruent with our desire to nurture and protect. I wonder: How can we mother boys in a way that affirms their masculinity, while managing our innate mom longings to keep them safe and secure?<\/p>\n

Here are five ideas to get us started:<\/p>\n

Encourage them to \u201ctend their field.\u201d<\/strong> Stephen Mansfield wrote a brilliant book called Mansfield\u2019s Book of Manly Men. He talks about how every man has been given a territory, and the key to powerful manhood is that a man fully owns, tends and assures the health of this territory. His territory could be a toy or his room. As boys get older, their territory increases but the responsibility stays the same; they are responsible for the health and cultivation of \u201ctheir field.\u201d This language helps boys remember that they have influence and reframes how they view responsibility.<\/p>\n

Ask his opinion once a day.<\/strong> A wise friend who raised three boys to adulthood gave me this brilliant piece of advice: Ask for his opinion on something at
\nleast once a day. Boys are longing for respect and that doesn\u2019t change in manhood. Another way to build a son\u2019s confidence is to tell him straight up that you respect him. I will often tell my son that I respect how he made a decision. Using the word \u201crespect\u201d always felt weird to me until I tried it and saw a profound shift in his confidence and self-esteem.<\/p>\n

Let them use fire and knives.<\/strong> Kids who are comfortable with dangerous things aren\u2019t fascinated by them. Let your boys chop vegetables for dinner or light a candle. When kids know they are trusted and are taught to use things properly, they don\u2019t feel the need to experiment with them.<\/p>\n

Sit shoulder to shoulder.<\/strong> The deepest and most honest conversations I have ever had with the most important men and boys in my life usually happen when we are sitting shoulder to shoulder, not eye to eye. A friend of mine shared that if she needed to have a deep conversation with her boys, she would take them for a ride in the car or out for a walk. Sociologist Dr. Harry Brod, tells us that side-by-side shoulder orientation is a way men seek intimacy. \u201cNumerous studies have established that men are more likely to define emotional closeness as working or playing side by side, while women often view it as talking face to face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shower him with affection<\/strong>. As our boys get older, they tend to ask for less and offer less affection. When we notice they are being less affectionate, they actually need more; they may just feel more uncomfortable about it. My son and I have at least four regular times that we hug during the day, which makes it a regular part of our routine so he never feels awkward.<\/p>\n

Raising boys is a uniquely wonderful task that comes with responsibility. When King David, a beloved king of the Jewish nation, was on his death bed, he brought his son, Solomon, to his side and spoke this over him: I am going the way of all the earth. So be strong. Show yourself to be a man. Do what the Lord your God tells you \u2026 Then you will do well in all that you do and in every place you go. (1 Kings 2:1-3) Solomon was considered the wisest man who ever lived. And David\u2019s words that set Solomon on that path, started with reminding him to show himself a man.<\/p>\n

So, three cheers for boys and for the fact that masculinity isn\u2019t about power, it is about honor and virtue, both of which are cultivated and earned. And perhaps the best way we can mother our sons is to give them space to be boys, even if it scares us.<\/p>\n

\n

\"mandy-updated-picture\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Mandy Arioto is the President and CEO of MOPS International, and is widely known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual and cultural issues. Through MOPS, which influences millions of moms through thousands of groups internationally, Mandy serves as the voice of one of the most influential parenting organizations in the U.S. and around the world. She and her husband, Joe, live in Denver, Colorado with their three awesome kids. @mandyarioto<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

This article currently appears in the\u00a0summer\u00a02017 issue of\u00a0The MOPS Magazine<\/em>. If you didn\u2019t get a copy and would like your own, you can\u00a0subscribe<\/em><\/a>\u00a0<\/em>to get\u00a0The MOPS Magazine\u00a0<\/em>in your mailbox every season. If you subscribe, forward your receipt to\u00a0magazines@mops.org<\/a><\/em>\u00a0and we\u2019ll shoot a copy of the current issue in the mail to you for free \u2026 just because we like you.\u00a0\"MOPSMag_cover_Summer2017\"<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week, my son had a friend over and I asked them to light a fire in the fireplace because it was a cold evening. My son\u2019s friend\u2019s face turned bright red as he sheepishly told me that his mom didn\u2019t let him light matches because she didn\u2019t trust him. In fact, in his 13 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5652,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,102],"tags":[1220,1221,941,499,301,723,87,54,452,55,56,1001,566,824],"class_list":["post-5627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-relationships","tag-boy","tag-boyhood","tag-boys","tag-childhood","tag-children","tag-grow","tag-love","tag-mama","tag-mandy-arioto","tag-mom","tag-motherhood","tag-raise","tag-raising","tag-respect"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5627","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5627"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5627\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}