Quirky Kid Communication<\/strong>\u00a0 Every few months I remind my kids that they are seen in all their uniqueness, so I do random things like write a personalized \u201cTop Ten Things I Love About You\u201d list with quirky and specific examples. I print them out and put them on their breakfast plate or in their lunch box. They usually open it, read it quickly and then joke with me about how \u201cthey already know that I love them.\u201d But without fail, a few weeks later when I think the letters have been crumpled up and thrown away, I find their lists tucked in their pillow or taped on the wall behind their door, or I walk by their room and catch them reading it. Because we all need someone to go out of her way to remind us who we were first created to be, fully loved without any hustling, achieving or accomplishing.<\/p>\n Experts Don\u2019t Know My People\u00a0 <\/strong>Recently on my \u201cHave More Fun\u201d podcast, I talked with my friend, Amena Brown, who said something so wise that I am still thinking about it weeks later. Her best advice about marriage is to learn how to be married to your<\/em> person. Then she explained that so often we read books about marriage and relationships that tell us how to be married, but not one of them tells us how to be married to our person. The same is true for parenting. We can read a whole library of books about parenting but not one of them tells us how to parent our kids. Moral of the story: being with our people looks different on a daily basis. Going first to love our people means being willing to let our lives, marriages and parenting styles look different than what \u201cthe experts\u201d say they should look like.<\/p>\n Set the Mood<\/strong>\u00a0 Here\u2019s a secret that you probably already know and a lesson that I\u2019ve had to learn the hard way more times than I care to admit \u2026 as a mom, your attitude determines the climate of your entire home, and there is no getting around it. All eyes are looking to you, watching for clues, absorbing your vibes, and modeling your attitude. This is a responsibility of motherhood; someone must inject the positive attitude, must smile first, and must make it OK to think about problems proactively … and that someone is you. If you don\u2019t do it, who else will? You are the person who can change the things that bother you about your family culture, it just takes a first try, and then another and another.<\/p>\n No Make-up Weekends<\/strong>\u00a0 I have lingering melasma on my face from being pregnant, I regularly used baby oil as a teenager to procure the perfect tan, and the lines around my eyes share the fact that laughing is one of my favorite expressions. All this to say, going sans make-up can feel like I\u2019m walking naked through the grocery store (if I let it). That\u2019s why I intentionally don\u2019t<\/em> wear make-up on the weekend. This is a personal act of going first – to communicate to my girls that our skin is sacred and wonderful and imperfectly perfect. One first step toward what we fear the most, makes the next first step we attempt exponentially easier. It will also ensure the next generation of girls won\u2019t have to feel so afraid because we have shown them the way.<\/p>\n When All Else Fails, Pretend<\/strong>\u00a0 I regularly feel like I am not enough, but someone shared with me the secret to get over that debilitating feeling. Now I try to share it with as many people as possible. A few months ago, a woman asked me for advice on how to write a book. I shared the universal advice for doing things you don\u2019t feel equipped or worthy to do: pretend you are someone who can do it. Every once in a while you are going to feel like a fraud, but the truth is everyone feels like that at some point, so don\u2019t worry too much about it. Write that book and say the thing no one else is saying, show up at that class you are scared to attend, but thrilled to try out; lead that MOPS group even though your biggest fear is public speaking. Go first and pretend you are someone who can do it, because you are and you can.<\/p>\n All of these first moves take a little extra energy and creativity, but if we are following the strategy of chess, as in life, the odds are in our favor when we go first.<\/p>\n Mandy Arioto is the President and CEO of MOPS International, and is widely known for her unique takes on parenting, relationships, spiritual and cultural issues. Through MOPS, which influences millions of moms through thousands of groups internationally, Mandy serves as the voice of one of the most influential parenting organizations in the U.S. and around the world. She and her husband, Joe, live in Denver, Colorado with their three awesome kids. @mandyarioto<\/a><\/p>\n This article currently appears in the spring issue of The MOPS Magazine.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
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