{"id":8274,"date":"2018-08-01T00:02:06","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T06:02:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=8274"},"modified":"2018-08-01T00:02:06","modified_gmt":"2018-08-01T06:02:06","slug":"conversation-three","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/conversation-three\/","title":{"rendered":"Conversation Three: The Four Most Important Conversations You’ll Have as Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a four-part blog series. Each consecutive day this week will feature Conversation one<\/a>, Conversation two<\/a>, Conversation three<\/a> and Conversation four in both print and video. These excerpts were taken from a chapter written by Axis<\/a> in\u00a0Dennis and Barbara Rainey’s upcoming book,<\/em> The Art of Parenting.<\/a><\/p>\n

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Conversation Three: We Are on a Journey With a Destination<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

When I was in high school, I was eager to turn sixteen so I could drive. To my advantage, my parents were equally eager to stop being my personal Uber. So as a family we began the process of getting my driver\u2019s license.<\/p>\n

Getting a license can be a pretty intimidating process. You need to take a course, then pass a test (that most people fail the first time), then you apply to receive your permit. In some states, you need to have your permit for a year before you can get your license. And while you have your permit, you take lessons from a professional driving instructor and log hours while driving supervised, both during the day and at night. Finally, you take a driving test with your state\u2019s department of motor vehicles. Oh, and while doing this, you are purchasing a vehicle, applying for insurance, learning how to drive a stick shift, figuring out how to change a flat with the hidden spare, etc., etc., etc. We think a similar mindset needs to be taken with smartphones. In the same way that you don\u2019t hand your kids the keys to a car, without any training, and simply say, \u201cGood luck,\u201d you shouldn\u2019t hand them a smartphone and say, \u201cWhat could go wrong?\u201d Their lives, your life, and others\u2019 lives hang in the balance physically, legally, and spiritually. In short, we advise against giving your children a phone if you are not ready to have a conversation with them about it multiple times a week for multiple years. Also, when you\u2019re teaching them how to drive, the goal is for them to drive on their own without you in the passenger seat forever. The same is true for smartphones: You don\u2019t want to be skimming all their texts for the rest of your life. Ain\u2019t nobody got time for that. Which brings us to the third conversation in smartphone discipleship. Your family is on a journey together of enjoying, leveraging, and self-regulating your phones. And there is a destination! This is when your children have demonstrated integrity and have learned how to self-regulate their phones\u2014and therefore no longer have limits imposed by you; they impose their own limits! Usually this happens in their junior or senior year of high school. Every journey has milestones. Here are some of the key milestones on the \u201cSmartphone Ed\u201d journey:<\/p>\n

Goal: heart and destination<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Always start with your child\u2019s heart in mind and with the end of the journey in sight. Your goal is to mentor your child so that his or her heart loves righteousness. This goes so much deeper than behavior management. You want your child to be able to use a phone with wisdom and joy, and without your oversight. You want your teenager to be independent and able to self-regulate.<\/p>\n

Ownership: stewardship and leasing<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

If God owns everything, He owns all phones. As a parent, you are responsible to God as the ultimate steward of your child\u2019s phone. A great way to help steward your children\u2019s hearts and phones is by making a family contract that they sign in order to \u201clease\u201d their phones from you. There are lot of great contracts online that you can use for inspiration. Also, consider having your child contribute financially to the costs involved with the phone.<\/p>\n

Privacy: a privilege<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Make your mantra this: We are better in community than in isolation. We recommend that you have access to the phone at any time and have access to all login information and settings. This sounds harsh, but your child does not have a right to phone privacy. Explain that privacy is earned through demonstrating integrity, and that even adults often relinquish this right to others in order to steer clear of temptation or misuse of their phones.<\/p>\n

Remember:<\/em> We are better in community than in isolation, so make sure you are modeling this to your kids! If worse comes to worst and you must take your child\u2019s phone away (or do as two total ninja parents we know do and have all your kids share one phone), always remember that to the next generation, a phone is an extension of their identity. Taking it away is literally taking away part of who they are and their access to community. Never take it away lightly, and when you do, clearly explain what needs to happen before you to give it back.<\/p>\n

Capacity: incremental responsibility<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Phones are amazing and can accomplish thousands of functions. Upon first leasing your children a phone, we recommend you severely limit the phone\u2019s functionality! Be warned, this may be a point of contention, but it\u2019s a great opportunity to refer to the contract you had them sign. Remind them that as they learn to wisely use their phones, over time they will have fewer and fewer restrictions. Okay, here we go. When they first get a phone:<\/p>\n