{"id":8284,"date":"2018-08-02T00:02:02","date_gmt":"2018-08-02T06:02:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=8284"},"modified":"2018-08-02T00:02:02","modified_gmt":"2018-08-02T06:02:02","slug":"conversation-four","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/conversation-four\/","title":{"rendered":"Conversation Four: The Four Most Important Conversations You’ll Have as Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a four-part blog series. Each consecutive day this week will feature Conversation one<\/a>, Conversation two<\/a>, Conversation three<\/a> and Conversation four<\/a> in both print and video. These excerpts were taken from a chapter written by Axis<\/a> in\u00a0Dennis and Barbara Rainey’s upcoming book,<\/em> The Art of Parenting.<\/a><\/p>\n

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Conversation Four: You Can Tell Me Anything<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019d been stumped. We had just finished a rather energetic discussion about the limits a teen\u2019s parents were placing on her phone when she quipped, \u201cThe stricter the parent, the sneakier the child.\u201d What a zinger! (Maybe this is why we love working with the next generation so much. They are clever and thoughtful and keep us sharp.) We loved this comment, and we have had a lot of discussions about it at Axis. It\u2019s like a magic trick with words. At first her statement feels true, then it feels false, then you eventually realize there are some hidden assumptions behind her declaration.<\/p>\n

Theology of goodness<\/em><\/strong>
\nHere\u2019s the sleight of hand. This teen was assuming, unbeknownst to her, that her parents didn\u2019t have her best interest at heart and, ultimately, that God didn\u2019t have her best interest at heart. So instead of pointing our index fingers at our daughters and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re being sneaky,\u201d we need to ask a deeper question. Do you believe that God\u2019s path is good? Do you believe that it leads to life, flourishing, joy, and meaning? G. K. Chesterton posits, \u201cThe more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.\u201d<\/p>\n

And if their index fingers are pointed back at us, and they say with hot tears on their cheeks, \u201cYou are being too strict!\u201d it might be good to self-reflect: Do my kids know I have their best interests at heart? Do they know I am safe, quick to forgive, and eager to reconcile? And here\u2019s the real mind-grenade (thanks to Bob Lepine, cohost of FamilyLife Today, for that term) to reflect upon: Are you raising a sin concealer or a sin confessor? The only way to know the answer to this question is to ask yourself, Do I model confession and forgiveness to my children? This all contributes to the fourth conversation that you need to reinforce consistently: You can tell me anything.<\/p>\n

The \u201cI\u2019m Not Shocked\u201d Face<\/em><\/strong>
\nYou need to consistently tell your children that you love them, that you want what\u2019s best for them, and that they can tell you anything. If you don\u2019t, it will be virtually impossible to have tough conversations with them in which they are honest. There will be some awkward conversations you\u2019ll wish you could avoid, but if they don\u2019t hear the truth from you, who\u2019s going to tell them? Here\u2019s a parenting secret from a couple of genius parents: Use your \u201cI\u2019m not shocked\u201d face whenever you hear something shocking from your child and whenever you need to talk with them about something tough.<\/p>\n

Tough Conversations<\/em><\/strong>
\nReady to practice your \u201cI\u2019m not shocked\u201d face? Here are some awkward topics you need to consistently bring up with your smartphone-wielding preteens and teens:<\/p>\n