This was the question I asked myself not long ago. I was working full time, going to school full time, serving in ministry, volunteering at my daughter\u2019s school and trying to keep my house and my husband from neglect.<\/p>\n
It felt impossible. School wouldn\u2019t get easier if I put it off, work wasn\u2019t going away, and my ministry and volunteer service felt like things I needed to do. The house and husband? I\u2019m embarrassed to say both fell low on the priority list. As I struggled to stay on top of these competing priorities, I felt a distance in myself. Conversations with my husband were shallow \u2013 just another box to check before moving on to the next thing. The house began to feel less like home and more like a way station for brief stops to eat and sleep before heading out again.<\/p>\n
I tried talking to friends about it. They were in the same boat, and they all said the same thing: This is how it is. The kids HAVE to be in sports, scouts, youth group, etc. Parents HAVE to work, drive carpool, make unicorn everything and create Disneyland-like experiences for the kids on weekends. Constant motion was an accepted norm.<\/p>\n
Not for me. I was stretched to the point of breaking. I wanted off the hamster wheel, even if I had to break free myself.<\/p>\n
Enough Is Enough<\/strong><\/p>\n The problem, I realized, was the life I was living didn\u2019t match my values. I value investing in my marriage. I value knowing my children as individuals and as part of our family. I value my faith community. I value bringing my best to all that I do. The pace with which we were living prevented me from being my best at anything. And even though I was physically showing up to church and with my family, my head was always somewhere else.<\/p>\n Something had to change, and fast.<\/p>\n Out of that desperation, the Family Blueprint was born. Unlike family rules, which are rigid and carry consequences, the Family Blueprint is a list of guiding principles that governs our family\u2019s lifestyle.<\/p>\n Gone are the days when we let the pace of other people\u2019s lives drive the pace of ours. Any time we\u2019re faced with a choice, we consult our blueprint for perspective on whether to say yes or no. Created by the family for the family, I don\u2019t have to sell anyone on following our blueprint because it reflects everyone\u2019s shared priorities.<\/p>\n Our top guiding principle is \u201cWe are Team Kubo.\u201d This means if it\u2019s not for one of us, it\u2019s for none of us. If an afterschool activity is problematic for me, we don\u2019t sign up for it, even if my husband can make it work. Why? Because if we were to say yes to the activity knowing it didn\u2019t work for me, the burden of making it work week in and week out would fall entirely to my husband. That\u2019s not how teams operate.<\/p>\n Opting out from the status quo of overburdening our family schedule has been rebellious. We\u2019ve become known as much for what we don\u2019t do as for what we do, and it\u2019s been a positive experience for everyone. Our marriage is stronger because our blueprint is designed to protect our investment in each other. Our family dynamic is healthier because our blueprint helps us work with each other instead of against each other.<\/p>\n
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Tonya Kubo helps moms who just want more to feel good about the choices they make, knowing they are doing the right thing at the right time at home and out in the world. A speaker and writer, Tonya makes her home in the heart of California with her husband, Brian, their two spirited daughters and one very tolerant cat. Visit her at