{"id":8964,"date":"2019-03-12T09:57:14","date_gmt":"2019-03-12T15:57:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mops.org\/?p=8964"},"modified":"2019-03-12T09:57:14","modified_gmt":"2019-03-12T15:57:14","slug":"belong-navigating-friendship-syndrome","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/belong-navigating-friendship-syndrome\/","title":{"rendered":"We Belong: Navigating Friendship and Down Syndrome"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s 9:00 a.m. on a snowy Saturday in February. My son, Kaleb, and I drive to a friend\u2019s house for his first drop-off playdate. He\u2019s beside himself with excitement. We pull in the driveway and see Kaleb\u2019s friend, Ethan, waiting at the side door of his family\u2019s Victorian home. As he spots our van, Ethan jumps up and down shouting Kaleb\u2019s name through the glass. My boy clambers out of his seat and reaches for the sliding van door in one, swift movement as Ethan props open the storm door to usher Kaleb in from the cold. The boys can\u2019t get to each other fast enough. My eyes fill with grateful tears. This is a big moment. This is a grateful heart.<\/p>\n

You see, my son, Kaleb, has Down syndrome. While he has two older sisters who adore him and classmates who include him at school, he doesn\u2019t often get invited to friends\u2019 homes. He\u2019s only eight, of course. We haven\u2019t yet entered the phase of best buddies and sleepovers. So why do I worry?<\/p>\n

When Kaleb was born, my husband, Mark, and I grieved many things we perceived he would never have: An independent life. A meaningful career. A family of his own. Even friendship. I know now that those fears were built on ideas about disability that our society had ingrained in us over the course of a lifetime. In time, we accepted the things we couldn\u2019t change about Kaleb\u2019s diagnosis and set misguided myths aside.<\/p>\n

Still. I\u2019ve prayed for years that our son would have friends and be a friend. Though he loves people, it\u2019s not always easy for Kaleb to communicate his ideas or be understood. And sometimes, especially when a friend comes to our<\/em> house, he\u2019s not always gracious or fair. That\u2019s when I start to doubt. Will Kaleb develop lasting friendships? Will his friends have the patience to stick by him?<\/em><\/p>\n

The answer, so far, is yes. Kaleb\u2019s friends love him because he is funny, imaginative and fearless, and because he likes playing the same things they do. They forgive his foibles just as he forgives theirs. The kids in Kaleb\u2019s class have known him since he was five and was so little his feet didn\u2019t touch the floor when he sat at his desk. They don\u2019t carry a history of social stigma and low expectations when it comes to his disability. They understand his challenges, and their little voices regularly rise up to guide him or advocate on his behalf. More, they like him for who he is.<\/p>\n

Our family works hard to make sure Kaleb knows he belongs. If you\u2019re a parent of a child with special needs, take heart. Like us, you already know the ways it\u2019s necessary to participate in all aspects of your child\u2019s development. Friendship isn\u2019t any different. Mark and I have learned to keep playdates short and that when a friend comes to play, one of us has to stay near the action. If conflict arises, we help Kaleb navigate social skills he\u2019s still working on. Even though I don\u2019t always feel like doing it, sometimes the best thing is to join in the fun. I\u2019ve pitched and chased baseballs, pretended to eat playdough food at a \u201cdessert cafe,\u201d and been a secret agent imprisoned \u2013 and forgotten! \u2013 inside a hot play tent. The rewards are tangible. Friends leave happy asking if they can come again, and Kaleb learns important lessons about friendship, sharing experiences and building history with kids he enjoys and who enjoy him.<\/p>\n

When Ethan\u2019s mom, Christine, stopped me in the hallway at school the Friday before Kaleb went to their house to ask if he was free, I exclaimed, \u201cYes!\u201d without hesitation. That evening as we worked out the details via text messaging, I asked her, \u201cDo you want me to stay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEither way,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I drop him off, are you comfortable with the extra supervision he might require?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbsolutely,\u201d she replied. \u201cYou deserve a break. Enjoy it!\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s 11:00 a.m.; Christine sends me a text message as I leave my yoga class. \u201cIs it OK if Kaleb stays longer? They\u2019re having so much fun!\u201d Under the message are photos she\u2019s snapped of Kaleb and Ethan playing in a snowy tree fort, cozied side by side under its canopy. I peer at Ethan\u2019s big, brown eyes next to Kaleb\u2019s almond-shaped blue ones.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d I text back, my heart full. Friendship is built on common interests and shared experiences, on mutuality and reciprocity. And there it is, captured in two boys\u2019 bright eyes and happy smiles. That\u2019s belonging. That\u2019s friendship.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

\"\"Sara Korber-DeWeerd teaches creative writing, tutors and coordinates the online learning program at the Whitinsville Christian School in Massachusetts. She is passionate about shifting the narrative of disability in our culture and empowering young people to do good in their broken world. She and her family raise awareness and funding for people with disabilities through local organizations.<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s 9:00 a.m. on a snowy Saturday in February. My son, Kaleb, and I drive to a friend\u2019s house for his first drop-off playdate. He\u2019s beside himself with excitement. We pull in the driveway and see Kaleb\u2019s friend, Ethan, waiting at the side door of his family\u2019s Victorian home. As he spots our van, Ethan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":380,"featured_media":8968,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42,102],"tags":[2282,422,32,1184,788,56,109,1649,2283,125,2284,1783],"class_list":["post-8964","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-relationships","tag-childs-development","tag-down-syndrome","tag-friendship","tag-grateful","tag-happy","tag-motherhood","tag-play","tag-playdate","tag-social-skills","tag-special-needs","tag-text-message","tag-yoga"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8964","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/380"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8964"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8964\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8964"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8964"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themom.co\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8964"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}