I learned an important lesson when embarking upon my first journey into motherhood.<\/p>\n
Never underestimate the postpartum bowel.<\/em><\/p>\n Trust me. The neighbors saw.<\/p>\n It all started on a warm day in March.<\/p>\n My daughter was born in January. Living in Indiana, I had done all the things<\/em> good Midwestern moms are supposed to do.\u00a0 I had lovingly assembled the most stylish collection of my husband\u2019s old, baggy sweatpants, laid up a store of frozen beige casseroles, and purchased two full seasons of \u201cThe Nanny\u201d on DVD. I was ready to be snowed in.<\/p>\n And, by golly, when the pediatrician told me not to take my newborn anywhere for eight weeks, I listened! We stayed in. We avoided church, the grocery store, and any place there were people. My mental health was a little iffy, but we.were.not.catching.anything!<\/p>\n For a few days in March, Indiana was unexpectedly blessed with some 80 degree days. By that time, I had had it with staying in! Doggone it, I was going to get outside and do something uplifting! My postpartum tummy was tired of resting on my upper thighs! I was tired of the south-of-the-border digestive issues I received along with my bouncing pink bundle of joy. With resolve, I decided to get outside and do something about my mental and physical health.<\/p>\n Perhaps it was the joy of sunlight or the lack of socialization that led to the following outlandish decision. I donned my most-horrifying sweatshorts, the ones with the series of small holes down the back seam. These were the kind I typically reserved for painting and undesirable chores, but they were the only pair that fit. What better way to showcase legs that hadn\u2019t seen a razor since delivery?<\/p>\n I strapped my 3-month-old daughter into her carrier and leashed up my geriatric Scottish terrier. With moxie, I popped my prescribed stool softeners, shoved my still-swollen feet into my sneakers, and stepped out the door.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve so got this<\/em>.<\/p>\n The sun was glorious. I pushed myself to walk further than I had in a while, not accounting for variables relating to intestinal motility or unmotivated elderly canines. Nothing was holding me back! The baby was happy, I was jazzed, and the dog was still standing.<\/p>\n About a mile from home, I stopped abruptly. It<\/em> was coming. The combined effect of bran cereal and those stool softeners, I was sure I was about done which culminated to a thundering crescendo!<\/p>\n Good night, what was I going to do?<\/em><\/p>\n Phone a friend? Everyone was at work! \u00a0<\/p>\n Perhaps I could step into the woods? My baby was strapped to me and my dog was half-blind, but it might work. I mean, if a new mom relieves herself in the woods, and no one saw, did it really happen?<\/p>\n Flag down a car? I\u2019m an introvert, but maybe I could make an exception \u2026<\/p>\n Resolve welled within. Channeling my inner Wonder Woman, I determined to walk home.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve got this! <\/em><\/p>\n Biting my lip, squeezing my innards, I put one foot in front of the other, my remarkable leg hair blowing in the breeze. Turns out, Lamaze breathing is like the quintessential bridesmaid dress.<\/p>\n You can totally use this again!<\/em><\/p>\n By some miracle, I made it all the way home. The Promised Land lay just ahead. I visualized my goal: the gleaming porcelain throne of my downstairs bath. I was forced to pause my hasty speed walk to allow a car to pass by.<\/p>\n Breathe, Wonder Woman<\/em>.<\/p>\n That was all it took. My taxed pelvic muscles chose that moment to give way. The power of bran became undeniably evident as I stood in my neighbor\u2019s driveway.<\/p>\n Um, I so don\u2019t have this!<\/em><\/p>\n After the moment passed, I laughed incredulously and shuffled across the street, shocked. I prayed a new prayer, \u201cPlease, Lord, don\u2019t let it flop outta my shorts.\u201d<\/p>\n My baby girl found herself laid swiftly and carefully on the hallway floor. My blind, aged dog wandered off, wondering what on earth<\/em> was that smell? And, ahem, my bathroom likely wondered what it had ever done to me to deserve such abuse. A new adage was born that day: Never underestimate the postpartum bowel<\/em>.<\/p>\n The memory of this day has continued to resound with me, even 11 years later. While humiliating, when I look back, I remember the laughter it brought. This brought a stark contrast against the rest of those post-birth days. I was an isolated first-time mom struggling with postpartum depression that I didn\u2019t want to acknowledge.<\/p>\n The foray into new motherhood can be a messy and unexpected one, full of powerful emotions that catch us off-guard. Take a second look at the less-than-perfect, even embarrassing moments. There just might be something tucked in there that can bring a smile or a laugh just when you need it most!<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Jennifer Makin<\/em><\/strong> is a former MOPS mom, dietitian, wife and dog mom. She lives with her family in Indiana where she can usually be found trapped under a pile of laundry, bargain-hunting, or hanging out at the lake.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":422,"featured_media":9770,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Bran cereal, stool softeners, baby, sunshine, and a long walk - what could go wrong? 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