Mom Guilt

Mom Guilt: Two words that hold so much emotion.  

No one told me when I had my first child how much mom guilt would come with the little bundle of joy I was holding. As I went through the day sleep deprived, just trying to function in the world and figure out how to keep this precious little human alive people would casually say, enjoy every minute because in a blink of an eye she will be out of the house. I knew what they were saying held love and good intentions but it wasn’t helpful and to be candid it was annoying.  

I couldn’t produce enough milk for her so I gave her formula and thought I can’t even feed my child as I want. As I took her on a walk one day a strange said you sure have you hands full. Yes, yes I do thanks for that comment. In my hormonal state, it frustrated me. I was physically and mentally taxed. What would have been more helpful is someone saying, I see you. 

Though I had waited 10 years for this child, I didn’t know all that I was getting into.

With as many precious moments as there were, I’ll be real, there were moments I questioned my ability. As she grew I felt guilt contemplating did I do enough, or too much? Did she have to much screen time while I tried to get some work done? Am I making the right choices? Did I make a mistake? When I was quick to lose my temper, which lets be honest we all do and are not proud of. I asked the Lord for patience and understanding. Some days I found myself crying over something that I had no control over. Why am I crying in the bathroom? Why did I react that way? I asked myself, did I create the most magical holiday experience and do all the things that will be memories one day? All while being totally stressed out. I bet myself up over nearly everything as a struggled with my mom guilt.  

Mom, I see you. 

The truth is there is no one right way to do motherhood. There are many great paths and we all have our own.  

Just as we give everything within us each day, we must be willing to receive.

Jim Kwick said, “On the days you only have 40%, and you give 40%. You gave 100%. I felt that. As we venture down the path of motherhood and each season it brings you are being transformed just as your child is being transformed. 

A caterpillar is born from an egg and all it knows is that it is a caterpillar. The caterpillar lives its life in a reality that it is a caterpillar. Each day it interacts with its environment, crawling around plants, eating leaves and letting the sun shine on its back.  

One day its instinct tells it to make a cocoon. Does the caterpillar realize that this act is a formatted death for the life it’s known? I’m not sure. 

In the cocoon, the caterpillar digests itself. It breaks down what no longer serves it, so that it can develop into that which is truly meant to be: a beautiful butterfly. When the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon, its reality will be dramatically altered. The caterpillar struggles to get free of the cocoon, to remove itself from the old way of being. During the process of emergence, the butterfly pushes fluids through its body to inflate its wings properly. In fact, if the caterpillar does not struggle through the process, it can never truly become a butterfly. 

If you take the butterfly from the cocoon prematurely,  it will likely be crippled and never fly on its own. Once this difficult process has taken place, however, the butterfly no longer crawls around the garden plants or eats leaves. The former caterpillar now soars around the garden with gossamer wings and drinks the nectar of flowers. 

As mothers, we must also journey through a metamorphosis. Remarkably, we find our new reality by shedding and letting go of the known — the familiar. “It’s the end of the world,” said the butterfly. “It’s the beginning of the world,” said the butterfly. It’s all in how we look at things. 

In your walk with God, we go through similar stages of death and rebirth.

As we look at the world around us, its constant changing and the massive shifts that happen in culture and society, it can be daunting. But why take on the weight of the world? It’s an impossible task. God is seen in the impossible, my friend. 

Instead, doesn’t it make more sense to change ourselves and let the world follow? This is actually the way things can and do work. But it won’t if we’re not willing to give up that which we currently are, to become that which we are meant to be. 

In every circumstance, we strive to be the best version of ourselves to express our infinite potential and most of all, live as God has commanded. He has given us this life and this child for our betterment. 

So many wonderful things are in store for us.

When we look at the world through the word of God, we see the truth. Christ empowered you to do miracles in his name, as He works through you and leads you. God entrust this little soul to you because you are fully equipped just as you are. No mom guilt needed, though I understand that is easier said than done.

When we look at the world through this lens it transforms our perspective.

The work He assigned you as a mother and how He has equipped you is nothing short of a miracle. God uses motherhood to sanctify us. All the difficult circumstances, the sleepless nights, the questions are painful; it’s true. There is a purpose in the difficulty, and the joy of leaning in to and knowing Him is worth it and the POINT of it! Not to mention, we get the opportunity to partner with Him in growing His Kingdom through the disciplining of our children. You juggle it all, and I see you, momma.  

There will be experiences that put you outside of your comfort zone, that make you question your abilities. Imagine if the caterpillar decided it would never make a cocoon, never go through the struggle of dying to itself to become the beautiful butterfly it was meant to be.  

Take wings, my friend. God has created you for greatness and your story is constantly unfolding. For a time, you may need to spend time rooting around in the dirt, taking the slow path through the garden. There will be struggles; some will test you, and all will transform you. You will emerge on the other side and soar. Be willing to receive the greatness God has planned for you and your family, however uniquely messy it feels in the moment.  

Today, instead of focusing on that plaguing mom guilt, instead of thinking all that you are not, focus on all that you are and the great work you are doing because you are doing an amazing job.