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Mourning the Loss of a Friendship

How do we appreciate something truly great in its time? Not once it is over or changing or different, but in the midst of its greatness.

This week our best friends are moving away. Far away. And I am sick about it. I want to kickTime in the face to keep it from moving forward, I want to yell at the top of my lungs and tellReality it really sucks. But I can’t do any of these things. I can only sit here and feel the weight of this friendship being torn and taken from me. I am not in control. Of this or anything. And I hate it.

Truly great friendship is hard to come by, especially in couples. But we had it. The kind of friendship where all four people really enjoy each other, and you don’t dread the other person’s spouse. The kind of friendship where we laughed until we cried, and cried until we laughed, and celebrated St. Patrick’s Day like we were the last remaining Irish people on earth. We shared an anniversary date, a first home, our first children. We shared very real and raw places and loved each other with whole hearts. We stood by each other and respected each other and understood each other’s shortcomings.

We had it.

Did we understand the preciousness of what it was? Or were we young and in denial that life could ever change? Maybe this is blissfulness in and of itself, we entered into relationship believing so much in it we never thought it could end and so we gave completely of ourselves without any thought to the future. The blessing of youth — the belief in immortality. If we knew one day you would move away, would we have done things differently? Loved more, loved less?

I would like to think we would do it all the same. Pouring ourselves out for each other without fear. This is true love, it has no fear. It is crushing to love with such openness and vulnerability, but entirely worth it. The age old question is answered with a resounding yes! It is better to love and lose than never to have loved at all. We would do it all over again.

Again and again.

Elyse is a Marriage and Family Therapist who lives in Dana Point with her husband and two little boys, Isaac (2) and Judah (1). She is also the Coordinator for MOPS – Capo Beach. You can read more from her at

How have you mourned the loss of couple friends?