Our second daughter was about two months old when I stopped mid-Google.
I don’t remember if she hadn’t been sleeping well or if I was trying to get to the root of her daily mega-spit-ups, but I wanted some answers. I desperately desired a fix to my problem, some sort of method with three steps to success. This wasn’t the first time I’d turned to the Internet for a solution; it was probably the fourth or fifth time that week I’d looked for impersonal advice to alleviate my current difficulties—probably even on the same blogs and websites I was scanning now. Maybe this time, Google would turn up a new answer, and it would be a magic bullet to solve my troubles.
But I stopped because I realized I’d forgotten a very important step. I hadn’t prayed about my circumstances yet. It wasn’t wrong to consult Dr. Google (I’ve found some very helpful advice on blogs and Mayo Clinic!), but I’d neglected the One who not only was in charge of everything in the universe, but who knew both me and my daughter better than anyone else.
And so, I stopped, and I prayed.
I didn’t have some sudden revelation about what I should do, and I probably still perused web articles that day. But I had given control of the situation over to God and it no longer felt like my burden to fix.
Grasping for Control
For me, one of the hardest things about being a parent is all of the things I can’t control. I can’t make my children eat, sleep or poop, even when I know they should. I can’t make them learn how to read or remember multiplication facts, no matter how many times we drill phonograms and tables. I find it especially difficult with little babies: we can’t even have a semblance of control because they don’t have a consistent routine. Parenting reveals to us the truth about every situation: we aren’t in charge. We don’t get to decide what happens. We don’t understand the world and what goes on in it. We don’t even understand the little people we spend so much time with.
But because we want to feel like we’re in control, we make plans and create routines. We read how-to books and listen to top recommended podcasts. We organize our lives as if we were the ones in charge, as if taking steps x and y will produce result z in our offspring.
And then the baby doesn’t sleep according to plan, or spits up all over the couch every night, or does something concerning (and let’s be real: while babies may be more difficult to understand because they can’t communicate, older children are no more under our control than infants!). Our sense of control vanishes, and we don’t know what to do. So, we turn to Instagram, Pinterest or Google for ideas. What can stop my four-year-old’s accidents (maybe I should set a timer)? Why is my six-year-old so explosive (maybe it’s something she’s eating)? Why is my nine-month-old no longer sleeping through the night (maybe I should tweak her naps)? Search engines have their place, but we miss something important when scouring the web is the first thing we do.
We miss the great gift of prayer.
Related Post: Read the Bible More as a Mom
Surrendering our Burdens
Brothers and sisters, you have direct access to God through prayer at all times, every day (even when your internet is out, or you can’t get to your phone because you’re trapped under a sleeping toddler). You have someone you can talk to about all of your problems – someone who knows how your child works, thinks and feels because he made your child. He made you, too, and so he knows how you work, think and feel—even better than you do. He is listening, and as your Good Heavenly Father, He wants to give you good gifts (Matthew 7:11; James 1:17). Not only is He listening, He is eager to help. So cast your burdens on Him, because He cares, understands, and is the one who is really in control.
In some circumstances God may grant you an epiphany of exactly what you need to do. Maybe it’s an obvious “aha” moment, or maybe it’s a quiet sense of the next step. Often for me, it’s been a reminder to press on with whatever I’m already doing, endure with patience, stick to one method, and let my child mature!
But most of the time, prayer doesn’t end in a clear solution, at least not right away. Instead, as we talk to God about what is troubling us and as the Spirit reminds us of truth (John 14:6, 16:13), we find our hearts reoriented. We remember the gospel, and how Jesus’ work of salvation on our behalf frees us from needing to be the perfect parent. We remember that God loves our children more than we do. We remember that we are not the ones in control. And so, our burden can be placed in God’s hands as we entrust ourselves, our children, and our circumstances to Him. As this happens, we can slow down with a willingness to wait and trust.
Sometimes that may be all a situation requires. Other times, you may still need earthly help. But now as you pursue other avenues of support, be that from Google, your pediatrician, a friend, or experienced parents, you will remember that the ruler and creator of the universe is looking out for you. You have the assurance that you are not alone as you parent, you are not the one in whom your child’s destiny rests, and you, yourself, are cared for by your loving heavenly Father as you seek what’s best for your children. Instead of worrying what your child will eat, or when they will sleep, or what they will wear, remember that God knows what you need (Matthew 6:32)—so ask Him first.
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